Random Life Events

Last days of summer

2006-09-02T16:07:00.000-07:00

Where have I been? Enjoying the last days of summer! Thats me, floating around Lake Havasu in Arizona. The weather was, well, 113 on cool days. But the water was perfect. It was a great family week.

School starts soon...

My favorite part of the fair

2006-08-14T19:10:00.000-07:00

Elyse is an active child, very active. She wants to see and do all there is to see and do and she wants to do it quickly. I spend a lot of time chasing her and I can't take my eyes off of her for 1 second.

I had to strap her into the stroller because she kept taking off down the through way while we were trying to eat dinner. It had been a long, hot and tiring day on my part and I just wanted her to sit still so I could eat for 5 minutes.

This is Elyse strapped into her stroller eating a fig nuton. She was strangely quiet and content to be sitting there.

A minute later I looked down and this is what I saw. No wonder she was content, she was tired, who would have thought that after only 8 hours of being on the go would tire her out?

Oh yippee! She was asleep. That meant I could go look at the photography exhibit, my favorite exhibit in peace.

I switched her over to the stroller that reclined. We take 2 strollers because Christophers short legs get tired and the double stroller just annoys me. She slept for 2 hours and I was able to relax. I really enjoyed watching her have so much fun at the fair, but her nap was a well deserved break and rare gift for me.

Rear of the fair fun

2006-08-07T12:03:00.000-07:00

We went to the fair a few weeks ago, all 7 of us and we took our 2 nephews with us too. It was a lot of fun and I have a lot to share. I thought I would share these pics, they are some of my favorites.

Rear ends. "Whose is bigger mom?"

Kids looking at the baby pigs, I love the rear views.

Not sure what they were looking at here, but they found it interesting.

Washing their hands after petting all the animals. My favorite part.

Scott, Elyse's biggest brother helping her row their boat through the ocean. I love seeing them play together. He is so good with her, he always takes time to listen to her and play with her and he is so patient with her. I hope their relationship is always a close one, even though he is 11 years older than she is.

Coolness

2006-08-01T06:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I got up at 6:00 a.m. to use the bathroom and through the open window I could feel a COOL breeze. Not the sticky hotness of the humidity or the feeling of a blowtorch breeze, it was a cool ocean breeze.

For the last 3 to 4 weeks I look out my window before I go to bed and I wish on the brightest star, okay I beg the brightest star to send an Artic blast down our way. For the last 3 to 4 weeks that star has let me down.

I woke up Dave to tell him that my star finally came through for me. He doubted the star. The heat wave has moved on. I opened all the windows and doors and there was a breeze coming through the house. The air conditioner is NOT running 24/7 like it has been for the last 4 weeks. People, I have coolness in my life again, and once again, I love Southern California.

Today is another day at the beach for us, a cool 77 degree day at the beach.

Fun at the lake!

2006-07-28T07:58:00.000-07:00

It's been HOT here, unusually hot for Southern California. Hot and miserable. Hot and humid. I am not one for heat, I like mild temperatures. So we decided to escape some of the heat and head to the lake. Of course it was 113 at the lake but close to the water, and having the water to dive into if the heat becomes too much to bear made it feel more like 102.

What a great day! Everything went perfect. We got there at 10:00 a.m. and were sad to have to pack up and leave at dusk. We didn't drive out of the parking lot until 10:00 p.m.

Since water skiing was almost impossible due to the choppy waters caused by the billion Sea Do's Scott decided to try the knee board. Not as easy as you would think since you have to velcro yourself in while on the move. He got a little help from his uncle close to shore.

He's up and he LOVES it! He can't wait to get out there and do it again.

Yes, he is proud of himself, he is hooked for sure!

Every knee boarder needs a brave flag man to hold up the red flag when the knee boarder goes down in the water or those nasty Sea Do's will run you down everytime. Christopher was pretty proud of the fact that he was picked to be the flagman for his brave big brother.

He held that flag high in anticipation of an ugly Sea Do trying to run down his brother. He did a great job!
Whew, that was actually a little tougher than he anticipated.

Tayler enjoyed just hanging out near shore playing on the Boogie Boards and collecting sea weed of all things.

That dang game boy stuff wins out every time with Jeff, my couch potato.

Elyse is hooked on the whole boat thing. She loved it and is still talking about it. She didn't even fight me on the life vest this time around. A true water rat like the rest of them.

Small steps

2006-07-21T15:00:00.000-07:00

Is it the indecisiveness, the delay, the weather, the hurt feelings, the over thinking or just plain life that is making me feel so down. Could it be the knife sticking out of my back put there by those that I held close that is making me hurt so much.

I often wonder if I was meant to be a solitary person. To live alone and be a hermit. I am withdrawing more and more lately. I have to make deliberate efforts to leave the house daily. Once out I am in a better mood and life seems simple again.

Then again, If I didn't have Dave and my kids to draw me out I don't know where I would be. I picture myself wallowing in self pity curled up in a ball in the corner of a darkened room. That image scares me.

I am continuing to work through these feelings without the help of food to numb myself, that is one thing I feel good about these days. As my physical health continues to improve my mental health diminishes. Or does it. I am working through my *problems* constructively, no one ever said it would be easy or painless. I am finally helping myself through the pain and allowing myself to feel it, I almost embrace it before deciding I don't need it and dispose of it. It is a process, small steps.

It's getting better

2006-07-12T09:46:00.000-07:00

I am recovering nicely. I still have a nasty cough but my energy is coming back. I didn't realize how bad I felt until I started to feel better. The awful rattling in my chest, that even bothered Dave at night has subsided and I am able to sleep again. I actually slept from 11:00 until 5:00 this morning without waking up once. I slept for 6 hours straight, that never happens to me. And that was a medication free sleep.

Elyse is doing wonderful. Fever free today and as active as ever. We are even going to venture to the pool today and I am planning on going to the beach tomorrow, just the little beach but it will be nice to be out and about again.

I wanted to share another good thing too. I have posted in the past about being miserable with the state of my body. I was heavier than I have ever been and just felt fat and ugly. In the beginning of May I decided sitting around and griping about it wasn't going to help so I started to do something about it. I threw out the junk and we have all been eating healthier. I have also been fitting in exercise a few times a week. That in itself is quite a feat. I decided the only way I could do that, with some privacy was to get up early. Yes, early. I am not an early riser but I managed and it actually feels good to get the exercise over with for the day. I also ride bikes with the kids and instead of watching them play I get out and play with them. We play football, baseball, basketball and kickball. I was thinking the other day that we need another kid to play outfield. Nah!

So, as of yesterday I have lost 20 pounds! I still have a ways to go but I have made huge positive changes in our lifestyle and I know it will happen. I have even received a compliment or two lately. Dave, who notices nothing told me I looked *skinnier* the other day. Notice he used the word skinnier and not the term less fat. Yes, that got him some.

I truly believe that if I had remained on my diet of junk I would have been much sicker than I was. I continued to eat healthy throughout my illness instead of comforting myself with gallons of ice cream like I would have done 3 months ago.

I feel better about myself and I have a more positive outlook on life in general. Life is good.

Calling in sick

2006-07-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

I tried to post about our fun trip to the fair a couple of days ago but blogger wouldn't let me post pictures, so that will be for another day.

I have been sick the last few days, I guess it has been more like two weeks. I dragged my sick sorry ass to the doctor today and I have bronchitis. I am on an antibiotic, inhaler and I got me some prescription cough syrup. Too bad I can't take it while Dave is out of town, someone has to be alert enough to hear the kids if they need me, or in case there is a fire or something catastrophic like a kid needing a glass of water.

Elyse has also been fighting a cough. She started running a fever Saturday that was topping off at 104+. So I took her to the doctor early this morning and she has pneumonia. Yes, I feel like a stellar mom right about now. The ped said *we* caught it early and she is on a strong antibiotic that should knock it out quickly. I hope!

Summer should be filled with swimming, the beach and having fun. Not doctors visits and so much coughing that it brings on a migrain and breaks a rib. Tomorrow is a new day, a healthy day...

July 4th

2006-07-05T14:59:00.000-07:00

Happy 4th of July! We pulled out our red, white and blue to celebrate our country's 230th birthday.

We celebrated my moms birthday yesterday as well. She is not quite 230, but she loves the fact that the whole country takes a break to celebrate her birthday as well. At least that is what she likes to think.

Our city is one of the very last city's in our county and surrounding counties to allow fireworks. I have heard rumbling that our city's *firework legal* status is coming to an end. This could be the last year. We chose to celebrate the legal way, with fireworks purchased at the local stand that supports the local high school.

Others did not. People on both sides of us were shooting off fireworks that are brought into our country illegally from the country South of our border. Our street sounded like a war zone. In the end it looked like a war zone too. Trash and debree scattered along the street, some of it swept into the gutters, front lawns looking like the local land fill. This saddens me. Yes, it was beautiful to look at and yes we enjoyed the show, and what a show it was, but this kind of display and behavior has ruined it for all.

On with the fun. Go Angles, we are big fans.

Hmm, wonder why he had an asthma attack last night. Anyone, anyone?

Sparkler fight! See Elyse in the background safely seated on grandmas lap? That was her safe zone.
At least we got him out of the car this year to enjoy the festivities. He told me last night as I was putting him to bed that it was the best night of his life.

The night ended early for Elyse, she just couldn't take the thrill of it all.

Bonus picture, I just liked it.

Awkward question

2006-06-29T17:10:00.000-07:00

The kids have been out of school for a week and summer is in full swing around here. The weather has been warmer than usual for this time of year and humid so we have been in the water a lot. In the last week we have taken 2 trips to the beach and I bought a family pass to the local pool. The kids have also spent a lot of time just playing in the yards with the slip & slide, water spouts and our little blow up pool.

Today we were at the public pool. I was on the steps playing with Elyse and Christopher. Another mom asked me how old Elyse is, I told her that she is 2. She also had a 2 year old daughter so we were talking a bit. The older kids would come over and talk to me occasionally too. Since we have been spending a lot of time in the sun the kids are quite tan. I use sunblock #50 on them but it doesn't matter, they are about 152 shades darker than I am.

Then the other mom asked me if my kids were mixed. Mixed. It took about 4 seconds for the question to process through my head. "Yes, I guess they are" I answered. She then told me her kids are mixed too, they are half Chinese she said. Like we were supposed to bond over that fact that we both had kids that are mixed or something.

I then moved away from her a little bit. I had to think about her question. I don't really think of my kids as mixed. The word mixed made me uncomfortable. They are half Caucasian and half Peruvian, so I suppose mixed is a word that can be used to describe them. But it is not a word that I am comfortable using to describe my children. I would never tell them they are mixed, it sounds second rate to me. My kids are not second rate, they are wonderful people.

Now, I know this other mom did not mean to make me feel uncomfortable or to offend me in any way. The more I thought about it the more I realized I have been asked that question before, but in a better way. Occasionally I will be asked about the heritage of my kids father. They will ask if he is Hispanic or Latin. I am always more than happy to share that my kids are in fact half Latin, and no they do not speak Spanish, and yes their dad does speak spanish etc. But the word mixed just took me aback.

Don't even get me started on the forms that I fill out for the kids that inquire about race. I never know how to answer that question.

Frustration in the form of a cube

2006-06-16T07:49:00.000-07:00

Some people knit, some people needle point, I do this.

And I suck at it!

I have been working on this since New Years.

I have been known to fling it across the room or open the back door and throw it out in the yard for the night.

I have also thrown it in the garbage only to dig it out the next morning, then I apologize to it and beg for forgiveness.

I won't give up! I made a bet that it would be completed in one year. I may lose.

An Important Birthday and show and tell: Hat

2006-06-15T08:53:00.000-07:00

Today's show and tell for Blackbird had great timing for me. I found this hat at the Dollar Tree yesterday while shopping for birthday supplies. It fit so I bought it. You see, I have a rather big head, I guess, because regular girl hats don't fit me. If I want to buy this style of hat I have to buy men's hats and then they are too big.

I thought this hat would be perfect for the beach and pool. I have to keep my head covered when I am in the summer sun for long periods of time or I tend to get heat/sun stroke. I think it is the red hair and fair skin that cause that, hee hee. This hat is light weight and I like the flowers, they seem very summer-ey to me.

My favorite hat is still this hat, one I showed for show and tell a while ago. You may notice that I have cut my hair since the last hat show and tell. I have my hair cut to my shoulders every spring. My only requirement is that there is enough hair left to pull into a pony tail. It looks and feels so much better now. I really should make more of an effort to get my hair cut more often.

We also have a birthday boy in our house today! Christopher is 5 years old!!! I can hardly believe that 5 years have passed since he made his quick entry into the world. Three easy hours of labor and half a push and there he was weighing in at 9-7. Of course his older brother made the journey easy on him, Jeff weighed 11 pounds at birth so anything smaller than that was a piece of birthday cake. More pics of his big day tomorrow.

Lazy.

2006-06-14T14:29:00.000-07:00

I am now washing the same load of laundry for the third time in two days. It isn't that hard to transfer them from the washer to the dryer so why don't I? Could it be the constant child care, cooking of the meals, vacuuming, organizing, errand running or maybe it is because I am hot and tired from being up with a 2 year old 2 nights in a row. Or could it just be sheer laziness.

And when Dave sees this picture on the camera, he is going to wonder what the heck I am doing now. Yes, I will probably be too lazy to just delete it.

Sanity

2006-06-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

We were on the road a lot this past weekend. The kids were plenty happy watching their DVD's during the hours of driving we did. So why do I feel like such a cop out for having a DVD player in the car?

When we bought this car we weren't looking for a DVD player, the car we were interested in just happened to have a DVD player in it, much to the kids delight. We hardly ever use it, my rule is that we have to be on the road for at least the length of a movie to use it.

I will admit, it does make long car trips more manageable for me. DVD's mean I don't have to pack so many books, toys or snacks for the car. Since it is pretty close quarters, it also cuts down on arguing. The car becomes silent once a movie starts and that means I can relax. Dave and I can also listen to our own CD's and talk to each other without constant interuptions. And I will confess, that on more than one occasion, I have crawled into the back seat with the kids to watch the Incredibles to curb my own boredom on those long rides.

Hosed

2006-06-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

That's how I have been feeling lately. I am overwhelmed, overworked, unappreciated and invisible. But when I see the faces of my kids it all melts away. It is worth it!

The pool is open!

2006-06-04T16:13:00.000-07:00

So it's not much of a pool, but it keeps the kids busy for HOURS and they have FUN!

The Jacuzzi, every pool has to have one.

Unwanted adventures at the dentist

2006-06-01T20:03:00.000-07:00

So, I went to the dentist last week. I hadn't been in a long, long time. I am embarrassed to even admit how long it has been. It has been at least five years, there I said it. Not sure why I haven't gone, we have dental insurance. Just chicken I guess. Actually I am scared to death of the dentist and that drill of his.

So, I went to the dentist last week. How did it go you may be wondering? It went as bad as I thought it would, worse really. You see, I have this tooth on the bottom that the filling fell out of years ago and food gets caught in it constantly. I thought for sure it would need a crown, my worst case scenario. Sure enough, it needs a crown AND root canal. And I need four other crowns on various teeth and several teeth need to have filling replaced. With insurance, my out of pocket cost will be a little over $3,000.00.

So here I am kicking myself for not getting myself to the dentist 4 years and six months ago when my teeth were still in decent shape.

I had the root canal done yesterday. It really wasn't too bad, it just took over an hour. The left side of my face was numb for over six hours. The whole left side was numb, the novicane even worked itself up to my eye which turned blood red and was half way shut most of the day. If I were an optimist I would say it was half open, I suppose.

The truly humiliating part came when I had to walk down the long hall with a square green mouth tarp hanging out of my mouth about two inches for x-rays. Three times.

The first of many appointments to come...

New sandals

2006-05-15T11:25:00.000-07:00

The temperature is heating up here in Sunny Southern California. It was a beautiful weekend, the temp getting into the 80's. So, I got me some new sandals yesterday. I don't know why, but every time I look down and see them sparkling back up at me I smile.

Maybe it is because I know that summer is almost here. Summer, when we throw out all schedules, kick back, sleep late, eat lunch at 4:00, lay by the pool and enjoy the lazy days ahead of us. Ahhh, can't wait!

Just one picture, PLEASE!

2006-05-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

I went Mothers Day shopping yesterday for my mom. Of course I couldn't find just the right gift and I wandered around the mall for what seemed like and eternity. Then I saw a frame (the one in the pic to the left). It is actually six frames in one. I thought it would be cute to put a picture of Dave and I in the top slot and then a pic of each one of the kids in the bottom five slots.

So I have been snapping pictures of the kids for the last couple of days trying to get just the right one. I took Elyse out to the front yard to get just one decent picture of her. She hates to have her picture taken and she never smiles. She either scowls or turns her head. She refuses to just look at the camera and just smile.

She is two now, she comprehends every word I say so I had a talk with her. I asked her to please sit and be still and to smile at the camera. I told her it was a special picture for grandma. She was very agreeable until I got the camera out. Below is what I got. Sigh. The last picture might work, but I really wanted one of her looking at the camera. Two year olds can be so frustrating at times.

Post number 100 and a slow down

2006-05-05T08:45:00.000-07:00

So, here I sit with my party hat on and balloons tied to my computer. Okay, maybe not. This is my 100th post, a milestone of sorts in blogdom.

I have decided to slow down. I honestly don't know how some bloggers do it. They post long drawn out interesting, witty and funny blogs full of links and pictures. I just can't find the time.

I have two kids home with me all day who do not nap and who need my attention, a LOT of my attention. By afternoon I have five kids home that need my attention. I found myself putting the kids off and turning the TV on so I can blog or read other blogs. I started to feel guilty, my family is the most important thing in the world to me, next to God of course.

If all my kids were in school I would have more time in the mornings. Or even if they would take a nap I would have some time, but they don't. These are precious years, they will be in school soon enough and I want to enjoy them as much as I can during these young years.

I am going to have to limit my blogging time for after bedtime. I will miss it, I will miss reading other blogs daily, but this is the right choice for me.

RIP Pinky Tuscadero

2006-05-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

Pinky Tuscadero, The Lonely Hermit Crab, died recently. I say recently because we are not exactly sure when she passed. She was trying to molt, a very vulnerable time for hermit crabs. When molting a hermit crab needs to be left completely alone. They leave their shell and dig down deep to shed their skin. After what seemed like too long, I gently dug down where I knew she was to check on her. She had died.

She will be missed.

Nothing blog worthy and some potty humor

2006-04-29T18:20:00.000-07:00

I don't really have much to say, but I feel I should blog something. I did notice that this is blog number 98 fo me, I am almost to 100 blogs. I am wondering if there will be some sort of party, maybe a card.

So, Dave took the older kids camping this weekend with a youth group from our church. I stayed home with the younger three kids. I am not sure if I got the good end of the deal or not. On one hand he has the older kids who don't need to be watched 97.5% of the time. Yes, I know I should watch the little ones 100% of the time, but come on, who watches their kids 100% of the time except Britney (I couldn't even type that with a straight face). All his meals are being prepared for him and he doesn't have to do any clean up. He can just kick back and relax, of course that is the picture in my head. I am sure he is working hard.

I, on the other hand get to sleep in a bed, all by myself. Without the sound of snoring in my ear. I had the best night of sleep last night, better than I have had in a long long time. I put fresh sheets on the bed and slept smack dab in the middle of it. I also took a nice warm shower this morning and I don't have to hover over the toilet to pee or use an out house. I also don't have to deal with dirt, I do not like dirt.

I took the kids to church this morning and then home for lunch. After naps we wandered down to the park for two hours. The park was packed and the kids played the whole time we were there. Unfortunately Jeff also learned the F word while we were there, from a three year old, ugh. I am hoping that all that activity will make three very tired kids later. I need to get off my tushie and make them some dinner then baths and a DVD then bed.

Speaking of tushies, Christopher called me into the bathroom to clean his after he pooped this morning. I made a comment that he had pooped a lot and asked him where he had been keeping it. He replied - in my tushie, I have been saving it up. That made me laugh. Kids, they are funny.

Pictures from the Mission field trip

2006-04-27T08:13:00.000-07:00

I am crazy busy these days so I don't have much time to post. I thought I would share some pictures from the field trip that I took a couple of weeks ago with Tayler and her fourth grade class. I just love the architecture and history of these old buildings and ruins. I found it amazing, and I was fascinated by what they could accomplish in the 1700 and 1800's.
The picture on the top left is my favorite. I took these pictures about 30 seconds apart. I didn't use the flash for either picture but I zoomed out a bit for the one on the lower right. I was surprised at how much the lighting and contrast changed. For some reason I just like the darker one better, it looks more mysterious to me. I just love photography, it is very rare for me to get a decent picture though.

This is the Golden Tabernacle in the oldest Catholic church that still holds services in California.

This is a picture of the ruins of a new church that was built in the 1800's. It stood for 6 years before an earthquake brought it down. Several people were killed. Very sad. I love old ruins and it was so neat to find some in my own *backyard*.

Another view of the ruins. Look at those columns and dome, just beautiful. I wish I could have spent all day there.

These are the original bells that hung in the ruined church before the earthquake. They are just gorgeous! I can just imagine the local Indians and priests crafting them. Our tour guide told us that they make a horrible sound when rung so they never ring them.

I am not Catholic, nor do I know much about the catholic church, but I thought this was pretty. From what I understand, a candle is lit in honor of someone and a prayer is said for them. A very nice idea.

Pet peeve rant and an update on no TV week

2006-04-25T07:51:00.000-07:00

I must have 100 pet peeves, maybe 200. But one that is right up at the top is that the school insists on rewarding the kids with candy or ice cream.

I keep hearing on the news about how many kid are obese in the USA. How we, as parents, as a nation need to do better with keeping our kids healthy, how we need to encourage exercise and good nutrition. How we need to get our kids up off the couch and away from the TV and video games. Then the school, public school which is run by the government, the people who keep coming out with these studies insists on rewarding the kids with candy, ugh.

Tayler comes out of school most days with a sucker or lollipop stuck in her mouth. I ask her where she got it and she said the teacher gave it to her for getting a good grade on her test, or for helping to clean up, or for getting the most table points or... Jeff comes out occasionally with candy too. Apparently he doesn't try as hard as Tayler, which isn't such a bad thing. There is also ice cream sold after school and candy.

Yesterday the kids came home from school with a flyer. The flyer says that if they don't watch any TV for five days they will get an ice cream party. Jeff was phsyced! An ice cream party mom, he told me, I love ice cream. He would even go as far as to cover his eyes if he even got close to the TV which was turned off, he didn't want to do anything to spoil his chance at ice cream.

Now, I don't deprive my children. They do get ice cream. We still have some in the house from Jeffs birthday party, but it doesn't have the same appeal as school ice cream. They get treats and sweets too, just not everyday. I am of the belief that if kids are deprived of these things they will become obsessed with it and that would just be setting them up for an eating disorder. I am trying to instill good habit in them while I can.

So, why does the school, that is really pushing the no TV for a week campaign so the kids can be more active and physically fit reward with ice cream. It just doesn't make a lot of sense to me.
Okay, rant over :::shudder:::

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No TV for a week update time. Yesterday went very well. I let the little kids watch TV for an hour yesterday while I ate lunch and started my dinner prep work. I usually get my dinner stuff ready in the afternoon because after school time is crazy. They only asked one other time before that to turn the TV on. We went to get the big kids from school and came home and had a snack. Then it was homework time. That's when I realized how much I use the TV for the little kids for homework time. It keeps them distracted so I can help the big kids get their homework done. Instead I pulled out some coloring books and they sat and colored and did *homework* with us. It really worked out nicely and got their creative juices flowing. A little more work for me, helping with colors and encouraging them but well worth the time and effort.

After homework the kids went out to play. Confession time for me. I turned on Dharma and Greg and watched it while I folded laundry. I am weak.

After dinner we did our usual routines. We threw in a game of twister. We had a great time playing, we laughed until our sides hurt. After the game I asked the kids if they missed their afternoon TV time. They all said no, that they didn't even notice since they usually go out to play anyway.

By then it was almost 8:00pm. I asked Jeff if he would read me his new book that he got for his birthday. We have our regular reading time and they have reading books to read so this was a special treat for us both. He was very excited to read it to me and we read it twice. All the kids gathered around to hear him read it. It made him feel very grown up and boosted his confidence through the roof. When he was done reading it was 8:15. I told them they could watch Deal or No Deal for a few minutes before bed. So we did. I don't feel too bad about that, it is a *game*, and yes I realize I am pushing the context of games, but it is something we watch as a family and enjoy.

So I am going to call day one with no TV a success.

The television is off

2006-04-24T08:48:00.000-07:00

Bean Bag Potato

Today marks the start of Turn Off Your TV Week. I thought we would try it out this year, at least a modified version.

We really don't watch a lot of TV, but I know we watch too much. Lets face it, it is just easier to turn the electronic babysitter on while I do the housework, pay the bills, do the laundry and prepare the meals. It keep the kids entertained and I get my work done a lot faster. But the truth is it is good life lessons for the kids to watch me do those things and participate. Except with the bill paying maybe, that always puts me in a crabby mood.

I usually turn the TV on for the little kids around 10:00. They watch an hour or so then it goes off. By then it is lunch time, game time and story time. Then the TV goes back on so I can eat my lunch and clean up. It stays on until it is time to get the big kids from school. After homework and snack the kids can turn the TV back on and watch *educational* shows until dinner time, or go out and play. Most days they will go out to play with thier friends. But usually the TV is on as background noise. Why I need background noise is beyond me. At dinner time the TV goes off. After dinner is bath/shower and reading time. At 8:00 the TV can go back on for the *cleaner* shows. We watch TV then as a family. Game shows or Survivor usually. After the kids go to bed is when I really watch TV, the shows I want to watch.

Lately, I have had a lot to do so the TV has been going on earlier and earlier in the morning and staying on later than it should. I have noticed the kids have become couch pototoes (or bean bag potatoes like the pic above implies) and I don't like it. I hate it.

This week I have decided to really limit TV and computer time. I can't eliminate it completely, I could, but I just can't. The little kids can watch TV after lunch. I really need that time for down time to eat alone and think. Usually it is about an hour. It will go off when we go get the big kids and stay off until 8:00 when we watch Deal or No Deal tonight. We do watch it as a family, something we do together and get active with. We have to watch Survivor too, it is something the kids and I really enjoy doing together.

It will be interesting to see how much I don't get done with my hinderences. Or, how much more I do get done without the TV. Of course, it will cut way down on my computer time too. I am going to limit my computer time to a few minutes in the morning and after the kids go to bed.

I really am not sure how I will get through the afternoon with Dharma and Greg.

Eight!

2006-04-21T13:36:00.000-07:00

Jeff is eight years old today! Eight! Eight years old!!! How did this happen? These kids just keep getting older and bigger and more mature and it is killing me! But then again if they didn't get older and more mature I would surely go insane.

Jeff at 6:30 exactly this morning, exactly 8 years old

I became pregnant with Jeff at a bad time in our lives. Dave had lost his job and he was going to school. My mom had had major surgery and I was busy helping her with her recovery while taking care of a three year old and a 13 month old as well as running the house. I felt run down, tired and sick all the time, but no wonder since I had so much going on. I lost all track of time.

Finally it started to dawn on me that maybe I was pregnant. I bought a store brand EPT test at Target one day and sure enough, two lines. I can't say we were thrilled, but there it was. I was actually 12 weeks pregnant when I figured it out, duh. I had an ultrasound at 18 weeks, although they could tell what gender the baby was we wanted to be surprised. All looked well. One week later I started to bleed, and bleed hard. It was believed that I had lost the pregnancy, that my placentia had ruptured. No heart beat could be found. We mourned and suffered. Then an ultrasound showed a strong heart beat and movement. He was hanging on. I was put on bed rest for a couple of weeks so the placentia could heal and be strong again.

Jeff was due on April 15th, 1998. He made himself at home on my sciatica. I couldn't walk, I was in constant pain and misery. April 15th came and went. So did the 16th, 17th, 18th and so on. Finally on the 20th I went into labor. I labored all night. By 5:30 on the 21st I felt a gush, my water had broke and my epidural had worn off. I started begging for another bag of that epi stuff but to no avail. By 6:25 I started hollering that the baby was coming. I was told that was impossible that I was just at 5 cm 10 minutes ago. I yelled for my mom to get down there and catch the baby so it wouldn't land on the floor. Finally, the nurse checked me and sure enough I was at 10 cm and Jeffs head was on it's way out. He was born at 6:30 am exactly. Boy was Dave mad, he felt that they neglected me and mistreated me. But I won't go into what transpired after that. I prefer to focus on the good of the day.

So anyway, Jeff was born at 6:30 am, he was 22.5 inches long and weighed in at a whopping 11 pounds. Holy cow, 11 pounds, he was huge. I had just given birth to 4 month old baby without an epi and came very close to the birth being unassisted.

What a joy he has been for the last eight years. I don't know what we would do without him. He is a good kid and makes us laugh constantly. He is sweet and kind and good to his sibs. We are truly blessed with the gift of Jeff in our lives.

We have a tradition of waking up the birthday person in our house by singing happy birthday to them. Here is Jeff waking up to the other kids and I singing happy birthday to him. Can you just see the joy in his eyes and the his big grin.

Another tradition. A birthday candle in the breakfast food we are having and another round of happy birthday singing. Fridays are cinnamon roll day, Jeffs favorite breakfast.

Jeff before school this morning with his happy birthday sticker firmly in place.

Tonight I will make enchiladas for dinner. His favorite. We would take him out to eat but he does not like to eat out, like his mom. Then cake and presents. Very low key, just close family.

Happy Birthday to my sweet boy Jeff!

Field trip

2006-04-20T11:43:00.000-07:00

I went on a field trip with Tayler and her fourth grade class a few days ago. I even *got* to ride on the bus. Can you detect the sarcasm at all in the last sentence? I hate riding the bus. For one thing there is a lot less leg room than there used to be. I am of average height at 5'6", but I could barely fit my legs behind the seat in front of me. I also don't remember the bus being so noisy and bumpy. The kids of course loved every minute of it.

Anyway, onto the subject at hand. We went to the Mission at San Juan Capistrano. You see, fourth grade is the mission grade, at least here in California. We will also have to build a replica of the mission and Tayler will have to write a report about it. I remember doing that myself in the fourth grade. I also remember riding the bus to this very mission in my fourth grade year, but the bus ride was so much more fun then.

I don't remember the mission being quite as interesting when I was in the fourth grade. I remember I enjoyed it, but that's about it. This time around I found it fascinating. Tay's school actually paid for our very own tour guides. The ratio was 16 kids to a tour guide, not too bad. Other schools were walking around with a piece of paper on a self guided tour. I noticed a lot of the other schools trying to listen in on our tour guides lectures. I will admit when an older gentleman walked out and I saw his supervisor point him in our direction I though Uh oh, a grumpy old man. But to my surprise he was actually very nice and very patient with the kids. He was just full of information and really knew what he was talking about. He made sure to answer all the kids questions and praise the kids by name when they got one of his questions right. The kids were exceptionally good too.

I found the stories, the history and the architecture fascinating. There was no way we could see it all and hear everything in the hour and a half we were given. I took in every little morsel I could. And true to her mothers form, Tayler pulled out a pad and pencil and took notes. She was the only kid there to take notes. It made me very proud of her, then it made me wonder if I was raising a nerd.

I have more pictures to share but Blogger is being a PITA about letting me download them. I will get to them at a later time.

Sweet smell of spring

2006-04-17T16:30:00.000-07:00

I was behind schedule this morning, but what else is new. I was rushing to the store and bank, I was rushing the kids who had no idea what a schedule is. Hurry up Christopher, I was barking as I we were walking out to the car at a quickened pace. I started to fumble around my purse to find my ringing cell phone, I shifted Elyse from one hip to the other and dropped my keys. My hands were too full, as usual and my frustration level was rising quickly. I finally found my phone but it had quit ringing. It was the doctors office. Crap, I mumbled under my breath, I needed to answer that call. Mommy, is crap a bad word? Christopher was inquiring by then. I tried to explain the bad word away saying it was okay to use it in the right context and when you are an adult. Mommy, what does context mean? Crap, I uttered again, I stepped in it that time. I was trying to figure out how to define *context* to a four year old, while I was trying to juggle Elyse, my purse, my cell phone, grocery list, bank stuff and Jeff's forgotten lunch, I rounded the corner of the garage. That's when everything came to a screeching halt. There was something, something different. It was good, it was wonderful, it was intoxicating. The overwhelming smell of my neighbors orange tree blossoms was wafting over to my driveway. The smell was sweet and suculent. The smell of spring. I stood completely still, the kids got very still and quiet too. We were afraid to talk, to move. Words or even a slight movement would break the spell. I did not want to return to my reality at that time, I wanted to stand there all day and soak up that sweet aroma. I wanted to join that aroma and be able to drift with the wind, to be part of the sweet cool breeze and forget all about forgotten lunches, phone calls, banks and the grocery store. I wanted to drift in the wind with the sweet aroma and be carefree and throw out all the schedules. Then reality hit me right smack in the face with the dang ringing of my cell phone again.

The smell of spring is fabulous. I must take more time to enjoy it and not get wrapped up in my world.

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T17:32:00.000-07:00

It has been a long and busy weekend with extended family. It all went very well and lots of fun was had. I have more pictures to share now that I found my camera battery charger. Spring break is over, back to school tomorrow so I have much to do tonight. I will share more tomorrow.

Happy Easter!

Rain, sweet rain

2006-04-14T14:14:00.000-07:00

This past week has been an absolutely beautiful week, weather wise. Until today. I woke up this morning to overcast and rainy skies. Ordinarily I would have been pissed off about the crummy weather, it isn't supposed to rain on spring break. Just yesterday the kids were running around in shorts and sandals squirting each other with water. Today we are back in long pants and long sleeve shirts.

Today I was happy to see the rain. Why, you may ask. Because I am tired of having herds of kids running in and out of my house. Tracking dirt and water over my floors, eating the food, drinking the juice boxes and clogging the toilet. I also have to keep constant track of Elyse and make sure the doors and gates are secure at all times or else she will just run away. After five days of this going on, constantly I was exhausted. I do enjoy having the neighborhood kids play here, I prefer it actually because then I know where my kids are, who they are playing with and what they are up to so I have always made my house a friendly place for kids. But by last night I had had enough, so this morning when I saw the rain a faint smile came to my lips.

It's pathetic, the things that make me happy and other ramblings

2006-04-12T16:46:00.000-07:00

It was a good day! I took the kids to the park this morning. We have a great neighborhood park. It is big and fenced almost all the way around and almost always empty. When we got there at 10:00 am it was just like I figured, empty. We played kick ball and pirates on the play equipment. It was nice to let go of all the responsibilities that come along with being the mother and be a kid with the kids, it has been too long since I have done that.

So, after the park we went to the grocery store. All six of us. I gave the kids a big speech in the car about how they have to be good and quiet and stay right with me. Tayler lined the boys up and they marched in a line behind me, very quietly. I got a couple of compliments on what well behaves soldiers I had. I did not tell them they had to do that but it was nice. I must have looked like the strictest mom ever.

Now the pathetic part. My total bill for groceries came to $90.00. With double coupons, club card and Boy Scout Scoutarama coupons I saved $42.00. I was jazzed about that. Yep, pathetic.

The weather here has turned nice. Too cool for swimming or the beach but nice short weather. I love when the kids wear shorts and sandals because it cuts way down on the laundry. No heavy jeans or a ton of socks to wash.

Scott is having a couple of friends spend the night tonight and they are sleeping in the backyard in a tent. They are all very excited, I doubt if there will be much sleep tonight. I bought veggie hot dogs and corn on the cob to grill and I will make some baked beans. Just a nice laid back evening. A nice preview to summer.

I haven't posted any pictures lately. The battery on my camera is dead and I can't find the charger. I will look harder, I love to post pictures, in case anyone hasn't noticed.

Spring break is upon us

2006-04-11T15:17:00.000-07:00

Spring break started this week. Well, actually it started last Friday at 1:05 when school let out. Woo Hoo!!! No school, no schedules, no homework. I started out thinking it would be a good idea to stick to our regular schedules since spring break is only a week long, but that idea only lasted about ten minutes.

We were supposed to be out of town this week but that didn't work out. I was bummed, the kids were bummed since we like to take trips. I usually have something scheduled for school breaks. Not this week, there is nothing scheduled, nothing at all. We have been sleeping late, eating late and going to bed late. It has been wonderful.

Too bad the laundry, housework and cooking can't go on spring break too.

Who doesn't like a compliment

2006-04-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

I admit it, I love getting compliments, especially on my children. This last week I have received several. On one occasion, we were eating out with the kids, at an actual restaurant, not at a buffet like we usually frequent. You know, the kind where the kids can run wild and there is no waiting for food, you just get your plate and go up to the trough and fill it up. Well, last week we decided to try an honest to goodness sit down and have a server type person take our order and wait like regular people for our food type restaurant. The kids were actually pretty good. Elyse, at two years of age, is usually the most difficult, but she sat nicely and didn't even pitch her spoon across the table.

When we were almost done an older couple, who were on their way out, stopped and told us how good our kids were. I immediately looked behind me thinking they were talking about someone else, but there was a wall behind me so it had to be me they were talking to. I was a little flushed by then and muttered an oh, thank you, we try to keep some kind of control. They went on to say that is was nice to see such a big well behaved family out enjoying them selves. They were very nice and I tried to be gracious and hide my shock. It has been a long time since we have received a compliment at a restaurant. I think before Christopher was born, hmmm.

There have been a couple of others recently, but another sticks out. Today one of Scotts friends dad came to our door. Oh no I thought, and my heart started to sink. What has he done? I opened the door and invited the man in and I offered him a cold drink. You know, trying to soften him up a bit. But he refused saying he was just passing by but he wanted to stop for a minute. He went on to say how much his family enjoys having Scott over, he said that Scott is always nice and polite and that he gets along well with his son. Wow, what a nice thing to say. I puffed up with pride. It feels good to hear such things.

I have decided to be more free with my compliments. I think nice things but they don't always make it out of my mouth. It is amazing how when someone says something nice to me, about me or about my kids how it makes my day. I really want to do that for other people too. So, from now on I am going to make an extra effort to compliment someone when I am out. Earlier today when I was at the check out at Costco, I was admiring the hair of the young girl that was checking my stuff out. I spoke up and told her how cute her hair looked. She smiled, I mean her whole face lit up type of smile, and she thanked me and she told me she had just had it cut and that she wasn't sure if she liked it or not. I think I made her day, at least a small part of it, and you know what? It made me feel good too.

Taking up smoking, an ultimatum I may not be able to live with

2006-04-06T10:25:00.000-07:00

I am trying my hardest to get this family to eat healthier. I have had a couple of road blocks. Dave and Tayler don't want to give up their meat eating ways. I asked Dave to give up meat, just meat, not to go entirely vegan (yet). He absolutely refuses. Dave has health problems. His cholesterol is high, his blood pressure is up and so on. I know it is his diet, not just the meat he eats, he eats a lot of fried foods too. I pack him a healthy lunch everyday but he also eats from the roach coach, doesn't that just sound healthy? I tried to tell him of the health benefits of giving up animal products and fried foods but he doesn't care.

So, I came up with an ultimatum. I figured if I did something that was risky to my health, something really obvious, maybe he would see the error of his ways. I told him I was going to start smoking cigarettes. Yep, smoking. Cigarette smoke will wreak havoc with my asthma and it will be awful for Jeff's asthma and allergies. Not to mention all the other icky stuff that comes along with smoking. Yesterday, I was at the store and I happened to notice the counter of cigarettes as I walked by. They were at least $5.00 for a pack of cigarettes. $5.00! How do people afford a pack a day habit? I can't even afford to buy them, much less the health risks involved. It would also set a really bad example for the kids, so I have decided againts smoking.

My ultimatum has back fired. I think I pushed it too far. Maybe I will quit wearing my seat belt. Um, nope can't do that either, I must set a good example for the kids. I hate being the one setting the good example.

My next plan is to be sneaky about it. I ordered a couple of great vegan cook books from Amazon. Luckily Dave is used to eating vegetarian at home, maybe he won't even notice that dairy is disappearing too. By the time he notices what is going on he will feel so good he will be more agreeable.

You may ask why I am being so sneaky about this. Why don't I just let him live his life and make his own choices. Well, the answer is simple. There is no way he is taking the easy way out by having a heart attack in his forties and leaving me with five kids to raise, nope, we are in this together.

Morning giggle

2006-04-05T08:03:00.000-07:00

This morning I went to check on Jeff, to make sure he was doing what he is supposed to do in the morning. That includes making his bed. He and Christopher share a room. Christopher was still sleeping on the bottom bunk. Usually I get them all up at the same time but the last couple of days it has just been easier to let the little ones sleep in. Quieter too.

So, Jeff was making his bed, just like he was supposed to. I peeked to see if Christopher was still asleep and this is what Jeff had done to him. The covers were already pulled over his head, Jeff just added the sunglasses. This made me laugh out loud, we all stood around and giggled. Maybe it was mean to laugh at Christophers expense, but he didn't know and I am sure not going to show him this picture. Laughter is a nice way to start the day.

Still recovering, a craft and a bad idea

2006-04-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

Tayler had a great time with her slumber party. This is a picture of the morning after. Some of the girls are awake, including Tayler (in the purple on the far right) and some girls are still snoozing. There are still more *body bags* behind me. I am still exhausted from the weekend and the time change. It sucks getting old.

Here is an egg craft we did on Sunday morning. I got the idea from Blogging Baby. I very carefully cracked the eggs open on the top and washed them out. We put dirt and grass seed inside and when the grass grows it will look like hair. That is if the sun ever comes out. It has been rainy and dreary here the last few days.

I have been feeling like I have been fighting off some kind of virus the last few days. Yesterday I developed a cold sore in my mouth. This morning I thought it would be a good idea to drink some orange juice with my cereal for some extra vitamin C. Bad idea, it made my cold sore burn like fire.

Spring forward, finally working to my advantage

2006-04-02T21:18:00.000-07:00

Did everyone spring forward this weekend? I did, a few hours early. I usually hate the *spring forward* time change because that means an hour of less of sleep for the first few days until we adjust. Finally, this year it has worked to my advantage.

Tayler had a slumber party for her upcoming birthday. I had promised her for years that she could have a slumber party when she turned ten, who would of thought that her tenth birthday would ever get here?! It was a good party, she had a lot of fun. She had seven girls over and we did a lot of fun activities. After we had done three crafts, ate pizza and ice cream sundaes, did karaoke, played musical chairs, did mad libs, played twister, charades and bingo among other things, I was exhausted. So at 10:45, when the girls went to change their clothes, I snuck around the house springing all the clocks forward to 11:45. When they came out I pointed to the clocks and said, "look how late it is, we better watch that DVD now before we fall asleep."

It worked like a charm, the girls settled down in their sleeping bags to watch a DVD for an hour and a half so I could clean up, eat cold pizza and some melted ice cream. I was starving by then so it tasted really good. Of course it didn't last, they were still up until well after 2:00 am *new* time.

I am exhausted tonight, too tired to even sleep.

It wasn't supposed to happen to me

2006-04-01T08:25:00.000-08:00

I thought I was immune, I mean you hear about it happening, but I never dreamed it would happen to me. I guess I was just being naive, maybe in the back of my mind I knew it could happen. I was being wreckless and not using any type of protection, I guess in a way I was just asking for it. Now it has happened, I was spammed. Yep, my post below got spammed. Damn spammers, now I have to use protection. I will have to set up one of those *letter* gate.

I have thought about deleting it, but I think I will keep it around as a reminder that I am not immune to these things. We are all vulnerable. It sucks.

Show and tell: Favorite chocolate bar

2006-03-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

Blackbirds show and tell for this week is to show your favorite chocolate bar.

I know this isn't exactly a chocolate bar, but it is chocolate. I love these little eggs, they only come out at Easter time, thankfully. I usually don't buy them until it is almost Easter because I tend to eat them. Tayler is having a slumber party for her 10th birthday this weekend, and she wanted these candy eggs to stuff into the plastic eggs we bought for the goody bags. We stuffed them last night, that is why the bag is almost empty. I managed to stuff the plastic eggs with out eating one of the candy eggs, big success for me, sadly. this will be the only candy in the gift bags, one plastic egg with some chocolate in it.

I didn't want to put any candy in the bags at all but I relented. I have four crafts planned and the girls can put those in their bags. One of the crafts is decorating the bags itself. I also bought pencils, erasers, lip gloss, princess soap bars and a take home craft to put in each bag. Much better than a sack full of crap that my kids usually bring home. I have also farmed out all of the boys and Elyse will spend the evening at the sitters (home for bed) so it will be girls only, except for Dave of course, he will be busy running out for pizza and Krispy Kreme's and cleaning up behind us. In addition to crafts we have games, nail polish, hair stuff, DVD's and a kareoke machine ready to go. I am sure the girls won't get to it all, but they shouldn't run out of things to do. It should be a fun evening, good thing I have insomnia, there will probably be very little sleep.

Yet another reason to hate Wal Mart

2006-03-29T14:31:00.000-08:00

I hate Wal Mart, yes I really do. Not just for the PC reasons that seem so popular, but because it is always so crowded and dirty in all of the Wal Marts I have been inside of. And I can never find what I am looking for and if by chance I do find someone wearing one of this blue vests, they never know what I am talking about or they send me off in the wrong direction. So I avoid Wal Mart as much as possible.

I needed some things very badly and I was right next to a Wal Mart so I decided to go there instead of heading off to my usual Target, which is a place I like much better. I drive a large car
so I usually park way on the back of the parking lot off by myself so I have plenty of room to get the kids in and out of the car and I don't have to worry about door dings. Parking spaces at Wal Mart are teeny tiny and there is hardly any room to maneuver when pulling in or out of a parking space. Can you see where this is going?

Today I saw a parking space fairly close to the door, and since there was rain, and I was in a hurry I pulled into it. After buying what I needed and putting the kids into their car seats, I was walking around the back of the car and I noticed that someone had obviously backed out of a space and had HIT my car. Argh!!! It could be worse, it isn't too noticeable, but every time I see those marks and dents on my car I will remember that not only did I get them at Wal Mart, but my laziness also played a part in it. It was also so nice of the honest upstanding citizen (or not) that hit me to leave a note and their insurance information on the windshield - NOT.

Rainy day Tuesday and kid food stuff

2006-03-28T07:59:00.000-08:00

It's raining today, it is supposed to rain off and on all day. A good day to hole up and make some chilli and corn bread, good 'ole comfort food. I slept better last night, about five hours of almost solid sleep. I feel more rested today.

Yesterday was a tough day. After hardly sleeping the night before, I noticed Elyse had a cold. She hasn't been sick in months, none of the kids have. She had a runny nose and just didn't feel well. She insisted on being held most the day. I hope it doesn't turn into anything worse because I don't want to make another trip to the doctors office with her.

So, come 3:30 when the big kids got home from school, they wanted a snack, I just wasn't capable of getting them one at that time. I was trying to console Elyse, help Jeff with his homework and build a lego castle with Christopher. I told Scott and Tayler to go ahead and make their own snacks, at their age they are perfectly capable of doing that. I was thinking crackers and fruit, but they went all out and made another lunch. Needless to say they weren't very hungry by dinner time. I could hear them in the kitchen laughing and having a good time so I didn't bother to check on them. Below is their creations and the pictures that they took. After watching me take pictures of our food lately to share on my blog, they wanted to be sure that I blogged their creations too, so here it is:

Tayler made this strange creation. Peanut butter and jelly sandwich with cheerios on top and soy cheese on the side with lemonade to drink. Can we all say eewwwww!!!

Scott made Mr. Sandwich, pickles for eyes and a nose and some kind of veggie meat for the tongue. He had garlic bagel chips, which are really good, and spinach dip that I made with veganaise. It turned out pretty good.

Now for Christophers lunch yesterday. He too insisted that I take a picture of it. Christopher has had a bad case of exsema for a long time. He gets these large sores on his arms and legs that he scratches to death and they won't heal. I am not new to exsema, all of the kids have had it to some extend except Elyse, somehow she escaped it. The other kids have outgrown it but it still haunts Christopher. I have used prescribed medications, over the counter medications, topical, oral, lotions, creams, ointments etc. Nothing works for very long or very well, not to mention the fight he puts up when it is time to apply these things.

I was at the doctors office a couple of weeks ago with Tayler and I read an article that said that peanut butter makes exsema worse, it causes some kind of allergic reaction. Christopher has been eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch for months, could be years. He loves them and lets face it, it is an easy lunch so that is what he got. So I cut peanut butter out of his diet over a week ago, it was tough the first few days but he is adjusting well. And the big surprise is that his exsema has improved at least 85% and he doesn't scratch anymore or bleed all over his sheets (ick). Whew. But I have been having to work extra hard to find things he likes for lunch and he has been expanding his food horizons, it has really worked out well.

This is what the little kids ate for lunch yesterday. A Morning Star Farm fajita burger with a slice of veggie cheese and pickles, bagel chips, apple sauce with cinnamon and a glass of soy milk. They ate every bite and also had graham crackers. No wonder they weren't hungry at snack time.

Sleep eludes me and excludes me

2006-03-27T07:33:00.000-08:00

I had another sleepless and restless night. Why can't I sleep like normal people do?! I went to bed at 11:00 p.m., right after Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, two of the shows I wait for every week. We do have a t.v. in our bedroom but I made sure to watch it on the living room t.v. to keep the bedroom a refuge for sleep. It almost worked. I went to sleep quickly but I was awake again by 1:00 a.m.

I did everything I could think of to get back to sleep. I laid very still in the dark thinking good thoughts, I read, I watched t.v. I then got up and did laundry since I was awake anyway. The hours passed slowly and quickly at the same time, 2:00, 3:00, 4:00 a.m., came and went. I was frustrated, mad and exhausted. By 5:00 a.m. I was in tears and finally found sleep, for 10 minutes then I woke with a start. 6:00 a.m., I dozed off again for 15 minutes and then it was over. I had to get up and start my day.

I have read articles about this and I have taken all of the advice given. I don't eat or drink hours before bed time, I don't exercise before bed, I have tried taking a warm shower, drinking sleep inducing tea and I have made my bedroom as dark as possible and a refuge for sleep etc. I have tried over the counter sleep inducing drugs, but their effectiveness is no match againts my racing mind and they leave me feeling groggy the next day. I was very close to trying Ambien when the reports came out about people sleep eating while taking it. I could live with sleep walking, driving or shopping but not sleep eating. I eat enough when I was awake. So that was out.

I have been fighting this for years. I truly can't think of a time after having kids that I had a good night of sleep. And who made up that saying *sleep like a baby*? I am convinced that person did not have any babies or they would know that babies don't sleep, at least my didn't. It was probably the same person who wrote the book I read that advised that a babies pacifier should be taken away at three months of age to keep them from getting *addicted* to it. I threw that book out.

I don't know if I have true insomnia but it feels like I do. I have a wide range of symptoms. Sometimes I fall asleep quickly but wake up again in a couple of hours. I can feel myself waking up, I feel myself ascending from of a deep sleep and I silently scream and try to claw my way back down to that deep state of unconsciousness I crave. But my racing mind has other plans and soon I am awake, wide awake. Other nights I can't seem to get to sleep at all. It may take hours for me to finally find the relief of sleep. But it never lasts long. Once in a while, like last Wednesday night I slept an almost solid eight hours. From 10 until 6 with little wakefulness. It was wonderful, I so hoped that was a sign that the end of my sleepless nights had finally come to an end. It was not a sign, it was just a short compromise my mind gave to my exhausted body.

Sleep, where are you, and why do you exclude me?

Saturday - it was a good day

2006-03-25T16:16:00.000-08:00

I set my alarm last night so I was up before the kids. I went and woke Jeff up and told him we were going to go to church today. I beat him to it this week. Church went suprisingly well this week. I took Elyse into her class and she did great. She sat in her chair and participated in everything. I hear Christopher did just as well. Maybe consistency is the answer. We didn't stay for the main service, maybe next week.

We came home and ate lunch and then Dave went to lay down with Christopher. Christopher has been so cranky and moody lately. I am getting to the end of my rope with his four year old attitude. He whines almost all the time, anything and everything seems to set him off. I assume he must be tired so I have been trying to get him to bed earlier. It isn't working. So I decided that maybe he needs a nap. Dave fell asleep right away, Christopher slept very little. I took Elyse to my bed where we both fell asleep too.

After naps the kids played in the back yard for hours. Since they dug up the stump they decided to build a treehouse. It kept them busy all afternoon.

We had a simple dinner of vegetable quesadillas and simmered beans.

I took Christopher shoe shopping yesterday and he picked out shoes with the Incredibles on them so he wanted to watch the Incredibles movie.

We popped some pop corn and sipped lemonade and watched the movie until bed time. The Incredibles is one of my favorite Disney movies, I like it better every time I see it.
`

So now here I sit blogging. I should be cleaning up the kitchen, finishing laundry and making a list for tomorrow. Yes, I make lists for the things I want to get done. I may never get to the bottom of that list but I feel like I have accomplished something when I can cross things off. It was a good day!

Finally, a dinner to please everyone, even the picky poo

2006-03-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

Do you have one? You know, a picky poo. I have one and a half. Jeff is so picky it drives me to disrtaction. He turns his nose up to almost every dinner I make. His dislike turns Christopher againts the food too, but luckily, not every time. I had to have a talk with Jeff, he is not allowed to say ewwww, yuck or I don't like that. Every time he would say that Christopher would figure that his big brother knew best and he would turn his nose up too. Jeff is allowed to say no thank you. He can then either go hungry, or eat a bowl of Life cereal or Cheerios. I don't have it in me to fight about food or make it an issue. I am also not a short order cook.

I do try to make a couple fo meals during the week that I know Jeff will eat, he can't exist on cereal alone.

So earlier in the week, I thought we would do something fun. I made a *make your own pizza bar*. It was a H-U-G-E hit. The whole family loved it and the pizza was very tastey. This is definitely something we will do again sometime.

I started by making the dough myself. I used to use english muffins but no one really liked them like that, including me.

I set out a variety of toppings. Mushrooms, green onion, pineapple, bell pepper, soy sausage patty chopped up, sauce and soy cheese.

The kids had a great time topping their own pizzas with what they wanted. This is when it is great to have older kids that can help the younger kids.

Jeff and Christophers topped pizzas.

Waiting to go in the oven. They aren't exactly round, I let the kids roll them out themselves and this is how they came out. The square shape didn't interfere with the taste at all.

Boys waiting in anticipation. I didn't get any pictures of the finished products. They were eaten up too fast. We also had salad and apple slices with vanilla yogurt for dipping. Of course Jeff turned his nose up to the salad.

Show and Tell: A window

2006-03-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

Show and tell this week with Blackbird is window's (I am getting closer to figuring out the link thing so maybe next week I can link her site). We are supposed to show a window or windows of our house. I was going to sit this one out. You see, the windows of this house are old and ugly and I hate them. I didn't want to show them because they are so bad and quite frankly embarrassing. I was doing the breakfast dishes this morning and looking out the window thinking of what I could do to participate too. That's when it hit me. Since I think outside of the box, heck I am way outside of the box, I thought I would show a view of what I see out of my window. The picture below is what I see when I wash the dishes three times a day. In the spring, around this time of year I plant some flowers in the flower bed so I can look at them and watch them grow. It gives me something nice to focus on. Right now, you can see our yard clipping dumpster and the old washer sitting there. Nice view, huh? I thought about going out there and moving the dumpster so it wouldn't show up in the picture, I also thought about moving the camera so the washer wouldn't be in the picture, but I wanted it to be an honest view. You can also see how close the house next door is to us, way to close in my opinion. Actually, compared to how they are building houses around here lately it is a nice space.

This is it. This is what I see when I look out the window when I do dishes three times a day. Pretty awful huh!?! If you look at the bottom of the picture you can see where Christopher tried to poke his finger through the screen.

This is what I would like to see out the kitchen window or any window of a house that we live in. Maybe soon, we are working for it.

I knew it was going to be bad, she far exceeded my expectations

2006-03-21T14:15:00.000-08:00

This morning I took Elyse to the doctors office for her two year check up. Elyse hates going to the doctor, I mean she H-A-T-E-S going to the doctor. She has always hated it when the doctor tries to touch her or even be in the same room with her. It all started the second she was born and the doctor pulled her from my body two weeks early. My pregnancy with her was not an easy pregnancy, and because of distress she was evicted. She wasn't ready to come out of the dark and warm place that she had called home for almost nine months and it was the doctors fault that she was no longer there and she let everyone know of her objections at the top of her lungs. At least that is what I imagine her animosity with doctors must be.

Every time, and I do mean every time I have taken her to the doctor she screams bloody murder the whole time we are there. Luckily she is very healthy. She has never been to the doctor for a sick visit, only for well checks. Not a bad track record for two years. (knock wood(!)).

So, today was her two year well check. I knew it would be bad, I knew it was going to be humiliating and embarrassing for me. The four older kids have always been so good and cooperative with the doctor. I always felt so proud that I didn't have one of *those* children. Well guess what, I pushed my luck with number five.

We walked in, I signed in and Elyse was perfectly happy, she picked out books we could read and played with another little boy her age in the play room. It was fun watching her interact with a kid her age. Since she is home with me all day I really only see her interact with the older kids and their friends, she doesn't have any friends of her own yet. It made me think about giving a play group another chance, you know to socialize her a bit.

Then the nurse opened the big door and called her name. I got up and walked toward the door and called her to come with me. She looked at me and said uh-uh and started backing up. I went to go pick her up and she threw herself on the ground yelling no-no-no-no-no-no at the top of her lungs. I could see the other parents eyeing me being secretly thankful that they didn't have *that*child. I pried her up off of the ground while she was clawing the carpet and tried to hang onto anything we passed. Her arms and legs were flailing in all different directions. I apologized right off to the nurse for her behavior. I told her that Elyse had always been like this and I didn't know what to do with her. The nurse brushed it off and told me there was no need to apologize, she put me at ease right away. I liked her. Elyse did stand on the scale nicely, to my surprise, she weighed in at a whopping 21 pounds. Then it was time to measure her. We tried to stand her againts the wall but she turned into a rag doll and balled herself up on the floor. I put her on the table so we could stretch her out and measure her but she went into the fetal position, she was hugging her knees and she would not straighten out. I peeled her arms off and stretched her out best I could. She is 32 inches long, we think.

She was into full body sobs by then, clinging to my neck with her legs wrapped tightly around me. The nurse left the room and we read books and she calmed down. Then there was a knock at the door and in walked the doctor. The sobs started all over again. I again apologized to the doctor for her behavior, the doctor immediately put me at ease saying she had kids and it didn't bother her. I tried to answer all the doctors questions over the sobbing, the doctor was on the other side of the room at this time. Then she moved towards us to listen to Elyse's heart. Elyse's grip tighten to vice like. The doctor moved quickly, getting the easy stuff done first and saving the ear and throat exam for last. I finally had to lay Elyse down on the table so the doctor could check her hips. The doctor had to help me pry her from my body and lay her down. I felt like one of those mama monkeys, you know the ones that have the babies that cling to the mothers back no matter how many jumps and leaps the mama monkey makes. That was Elyse, clinging to me for dear life. The doctor did mention that Elyse's throat looked irritated, I asked her if it could be from the screaming. She agreed.

Elyse was to get a Hepatitis A shot and have her iron level checked. I knew the easy part was over when the doctor left the room. Soon the nurse entered. Elyse started up again. This was a different nurse and she remembered us from six months ago. I told her this wasn't going to be pretty. She asked if Elyse was the one that had been screaming. I said yes. She said I will be right back. I wondered where she was going. To get reinforcements, or to maybe make a deal with another nurse to get her to do it. Nope, she came back with a Whinnie the Pooh doll to try to ease her fears. I liked her.

Then came the finger prick. It was bad, she screamed so hard I thought she was going to pass out a couple of times from the screaming. Her face was tear soaked snotty mess, and so was my shirt. The nurse worked as quickly as she could with the shot. The doctor came back in with a book trying to calm her down then another nurse came in with an array of stickers, they were really trying help her feel better and I appreciated it. I felt awful too. I hate to see her like that. Finally it was time to go. Elyse was still sobbing and clinging to my neck. I picked her up, held my head up high and marched out through the waiting room. Every eye in the place followed out the door, I could feel their eyes burning into the back of my head. Yes, my daughter is one of *those* kids but that's okay, she is my kid.

She sobbed all the way home and for a good time after that. We cuddled and read books and ate fruit salad until she felt better. Now it is just a distant bad memory for her. Her next well check isn't until she is three years old. If she can just manage not to get sick for the next year and need to see the doctor life will be good.

Poor little leg.

Toothless and the tardy tooth fairy

2006-03-20T08:16:00.000-08:00

Jeff is losing teeth like crazy lately. He lost his bottom two baby teeth almost two years ago when he was in Kindergarten, then nothing. We waited and checked to see if his other teeth were loose yet. We consulted the dentist who assured us it was okay for him to lose his teeth late, it was actually better. Jeff was getting ansy, all of his classmates and friends were losing teeth everyday and he still had most of his baby teeth. Then finally, another one of his bottom teeth became loose then another. Then finally the top teeth started loosening up. This has all happened in the last month. He lost three more teeth on the top in the front. The latest one falling out one night last week around 8:00, right before bed. Or should I say it was evicted by older brother Scott giving it a strong tug.

He placed that little tiny tooth into a baggy and placed it under his pillow. The tooth fairy specifically asked that all baby teeth be placed into a baggy or else she has a hard time finding those microscopic teeth in the middle of the night in the dark.

The next morning, I was showering before the kids were up and I suddenly remembered the tooth fairy. I didn't remember hearing her in the middle of the night. As a mom I have radar ears that can wake me up if the tiniest cough is coughed somewhere deep in the house. I always hear the tooth fairy. Maybe she is running late I thought, maybe she will show up when I get out of the shower. Of course when I got out of the shower I had a million things to do and I forgot to listen for her. I went into Jeff's room to wake him up and he was sitting up in his bed. Good morning Jeff, I said. The tooth fairy didn't come Jeff answered, with all the sadness and drama he had in him. Oh no, I said. Thinking fast, searching for an excuse for the tooth fairy, I came up with the idea that maybe since he lost his tooth so late in the evening that maybe she had already left for her nightly work and his name had not been put on her list in time. He thought that sounded reasonable but he did mope for a while. See, Jeff is my very dramatic child (You can read a little about his drama here and here ). He can play out scenerios in his head and put his whole self into his *role*.

The next morning I went to wake Jeff first, I was excited to hear if the tooth fairy had come. Indeed she had and she left him a note that read:

Dear Jeff,
I am so sorry that I missed your house last night. I was very busy so I had to get started early and I didn't get your name on my list in time. I came to your house FIRST tonight.
Thank you for such a nice tooth. I will be a wonderful addition for my castle. I have a very special place to put it.
Keep brushing your teeth! Remember to brush your teeth in the moring after breakfast and at night before you go to bed.
Love,
The Tooth Fairy

She also left him $2.00 instead of the usual $1.00. I think the tooth fary was feeling guilty about missing him the night before. I know if I were her I would feel that way.

Ever since he got that letter from the tooth fairy he has been very faithful about brushing his teeth without being reminded. I think there may be more letters from the tooth fairy in the future for the rest of the kids too.

Sunday wrap up and an update on the stump

2006-03-19T20:09:00.000-08:00

It is after 8:00 o'clock on Sunday night. I still have three loads of laundry to do, a sink full of dishes to wash and lunches to make for tomorrow. But here I sit, blogging. I don't wanna do the grown up things, I want to sit and watch Extreme Makeover Home Edition with the kids and Dave, but I can't. Well I could, but I would still have all that stuff waiting for me and I would like to watch Desperate Housewifes later and get to bed at a decent hour. But here I sit, blogging.

It was a good weekend, very low key. Tay had a sleep over at her friends last night and while the *men* were out doing their gender specific jobs of washing cars and doing yard work, Elyse and I stayed in the house doing our gender specific jobs. Watching Dora DVD's, reading and eating grapes. I mean, cleaning the house, yes that's it, we were scrubbing the floors.

I did venture out to the grocery store to do the shopping for the entire week. Lately, I have been shopping day to day, I can't even remember the last time my shopping cart was full of food and not kids. Shopping alone was pure bliss, I didn't say a word the entire time I was gone. I didn't even exchange niceties with the cashier, I just wanted to be quiet. I hope she didn't think I was rude.

Back to the *men* doing yard work. Remember my previous post a few days ago about the kids were trying to dig the stump out in the ugly corner of the backyard(?), well, to my surprise they got it dug out this afternoon. That stump had been there for years, and now that we are planning on moving, they dug it out. So now the ugly corner is, well, still ugly but now it has a

giant crater in it. It may be even uglier now.

But they worked hard and they are very proud of themselves. I am proud of them too, they were one determined crew of hard working *men*. My men.

Going to church....or not

2006-03-18T20:42:00.001-08:00

Early Saturday morning, around 8:00 a.m., I was deep in a dream, involving Eric Estrada and David Hasselfoff (weird, I know)(!) when I was rudely awaken by Jeff who was standing next to my bed asking me if we were going to go to church today. Of course, I responded. I really didn't want to, but when the kids wake us up asking to go to church, then I take that as a sign that we should go to church. Lately our church attendance has been sporadic. Jeff misses church and wanted to be sure we went back this week.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoy church. It's just that I don't enjoy taking the kids to church. Trying to keep them all quiet during services is a nightmare. I have tried taking *quiet* toys for them to play with but in church quiet toys are never quiet. I have tried taking snacks but I end up on my hands and knees cleaning crumbs up off the floor after the service. So lately it has just been easier to skip the whole thing.

At our church, before the service we have classes. Adult classes and kid's classes. I have never been to an adult class. I moved straight from the youth class to the babies class with Scott and that is where I have been for the last 13 years, not with Scott, he has moved on. Normally, I go into the four year old class with Christopher and Dave goes into the toddler class with Elyse. It is a disaster for both of us. They won't sit still or participate with the rest of the class. We leave exhausted and wonder why we attend in the first place. The older kids all enjoy their classes and have learned a lot so it is worth it.

Today they were to have Childrens Church. That happens once a month. That is the week that I can sneak into grown up church and at least enjoy some of the music and hear part of the sermon without constant interruptions. Of course Childrens Church was cancelled today so right after the kids classes we bolted and came home.

I wish there was an easier way. I really want my kids to grow up in the church. Of course some of the older generation think that we should take the kids into church and get them used to sitting still and to listen to the sermon. I don't think chuch is the place to torture them. I am afraid that they will grow up hating it and leave the church all together. I want church to be a positive experience for them, not something they dread.

There has to be a happy medium, I just have to keep working until I find it.

We celebrated Elyse's birthday in her class to day. She did not want to be a part of the celebration!

Oh the humiliation. If she ignores them they will disappear.

Happy Saint Patricks Day

2006-03-17T08:45:00.000-08:00

Happy Saint Patricks Day! I love Saint Patricks day, no, not because they serve green beer at the bars on St. Patricks Day but because there is no candy, stuffed animals or cards involved. It is just a day, a day to dress in green and have fun with.

Scott is getting too old for the wearing of the green, or so he would like to think. He is wearing a green wrist band and a green bandana around his ankle to trick his friends. Teenagers, gotta love them. Right?

Tayler looks like a green bean. She is wearing green all the way down to her shoes. I am just thankful that she is well enough to return to school. She told me this morning they are not allowed to pinch in school, they can give a soft poke. Huh!?! What's the funs of Saint Patricks Day if you can't give a good 'ole pinch. That's what I told her, I hope she realizes I was kidding. I may be getting a call from the school.

Jeff is one cool dude in his green T shirt and sunglasses. He was very excited about St. Patricks day and has had his shirt picked out for days. He is also wearing green socks. I hope he didn't overhear me talking to Tay about the pinching. I will be sure to get a call about him.

Elyse is one cool chic wearing Jeff's sunglasses. Notice the half smile, we are getting there. After I got her dressed and she was around the other kids I realized her outfit is more of a aqua color than green. But aqua is a color of green, at least that is what I told the kids.

Can we say cranky four year old who doesn't want to participate in anything lately? I had to force him to stand there so I could take his picture. He is driving me nuts lately, it's just a phase, it's just a phase, it's just a phase....

The whole gang, right before I drove them to school. Can you tell I had some extra time so I could have a little fun with the camera this morning before school?

I don't own a lot of green for myself, with my red hair I look too Christmasy in green. I bought this little pin 20 years at a Hallmark store. So, this is what I wear, sorry the pic is so blurry. The kids thought they would get me this morning when I was still in my pajamas but guess what I had pinned to my jammies, hee hee, I am always one step ahead. For now.

Show and Tell: Butter Dish

2006-03-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

For show and tell this week Blackbird wants to see our butter dish. Someday I will figure out how to link Blackbirds site, sigh.

I bought a glass butter dish at a little kitchen specialty store at the local mall when Dave and I first got married. It is all glass and has a cow on the lid. I fell in love with it. I had dreams of the two of us sitting at the kitchen table every morning, with pancakes or toast in front of us with that butter dish between us sparkling in the bright sunlight that would be spilling through our yellow kitchen. I would have my hair pulled back and have an apron on and my face would be made up and my teeth would be white and shiney. Dave would have the paper in front of him catching up on sports or reading about the stock market.

Then reality checked in. We were both holding down full time jobs at that time. Dave rarely eats breakfast and leaves the house before I even get up. He is at work before the sun ever comes up and usually grabs something from the roach coach. Once the kids were born my pretty little butter dish just didn't do the job anymore. It was just too small and since it was glass I was constantly afraid it would fall and break. So one day, many years ago, I lovingly cleaned it up and packed it away. This morning I went to get it out to take a picture of it for show and tell and to take a trip down memory lane and I can't find it anywhere. I went through all the kitchen cabinets with a flashlight and that butter dish has disappeared. Now I am going nuts wracking my brain trying to figure out where it is. I have been doing spring cleaning and hauling box after bag to the Salvation Army but surely I wouldn't have given away my precious butter dish, would I?

Anyway, here is what we use now. Not very pretty but practical considering our family size and the amount of butter we seem to use. I buy one of these every month at Costco.

I don't use much butter, hardly any at all. When I do need butter I use *I Can't Believe It's Not Butter* spray. It gives me just enough flavor without all the extra calories and fat.

So, it isn't exactly what we were supposed to share but it is all I have right now. I will continue to hunt for my butter dish when I find it I will put it up. It may be weeks but I will find it!

Give them a shovel and they will dig

2006-03-15T08:19:00.000-08:00

Yesterday Scott was bored. He is not into video games or t.v very much. He would much rather be outside doing something. We have what I call the *ugly corner* in the back yard. It is the only corner where there is no block wall and there is a big ugly stump out there. Scott heard me complaining about it not too long ago so he has decided to dig the stump out for me.
I don't think he will ever get it out, it is way too big but it is keeping him busy and he is having fun trying. Of course, at our house you never do anything that looks like fun alone. Especially if it involves dirt. Scott was glad for the help and passed out shovels. He is very good with his younger siblings and that makes my heart sing.

Brother's taking a break. They have quite a trench going. It is going to rain this weekend, they will be thrilled if it fills up with water.

Elyse loves her little shovel. She has decided to give me smirks when I take her picture now, it's better than the picture scowl she used to give.

Another smirk, I almost got a smile out of her. They all had to go straight to the garage to undress and then straight to the showers and bath tubs. That hole kept them busy for hours. Yipee!!!

Tayler is having some medical problems and was not able to participate or she would have been as dirty as the rest. She is not doing too well, more on that later.

Aches

2006-03-13T08:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was in such a bitchy mood. My poor family. I finally went off to the bookstore by myself to give us all a break from me. The only problem with that was that I had to take *me* with me.

I have also been really tired the last couple of days and my energy level has been low. Around 2:00 a.m. I woke up with a sore throat and my whole body just ached and ached. I had a light bulb moment, no wonder I have been in such a bad mood, my body is trying to fight something off and I wasn't listening to it.

I took some tylenol earlier and plan on getting as much rest as possible today. I don't have time to be sick.

Feeling ugly

2006-03-12T08:56:00.000-08:00

Lately I have just been feeling so ugly, for a lack of a better word. I feel fat and bloated. I don't feel as though I walk around, I feel like I lumber. Like a giant person lumbering across the land and the whole ground shakes and people shriek and cover their eyes and run. That's how I feel. I am not comfortable in my own skin, I feel big and itchy. Yes, itchy. This is so not me. I can't use the *I just had a baby* excuse anymore because the *baby* is two years old.

I tried Weight Watchers, several times actually. I just can't count another point. The site of the sliding thingie makes me want to puke. The commercials make my head hurt and I still can't figure out activity points. So, as I usually do I quit. Now, don't get me wrong, I am not putting down weight watchers, it works for thousands and thousands of people and I am very happy for them, I am.

It just isn't for me. I don't like standing in line to wait to be weighed by a judgmental stranger. I stand there, eyeing the other's feeling vulnerable. I think they are thinking, what took her so long to get here. She should have been here years ago. Okay, I realize that thinking other people are actually thinking about me is ridiculous, but I do. Then there was the incident when I forgot to take off the name tag after the meeting and wore it to the grocery store. You just know after everyone saw that weight watchers name tag stuck to me they were eyeing my cart to see exactly what I was buying thinking does she really need that.

I digress, as usual. Yesterday I went to a birthday party. I felt fat and ugly. I didn't want to be there, I was too fat and ugly to be there. I looked around at all the skinny people and saw how confident they were. I was a skinny girl once, I had tons of confidence, I want that back. I want my confidence and self esteem back. I could hardly stand to be there, to talk to anyone. I tried to stay in one spot and blend in with the background and hide behind my purse. But that is was almost impossible since I had to chase Elyse and save the dog from her vice like hugs. I couldn't wait to leave, not because it was a bad party, but because I felt like the biggest thing in the room and I couldn't stand it.

So I am on a quest. Actually this quest started a couple of weeks ago, I am just getting around to being able to talk about it. I am going to eat healthy, I am going to turn the whole family around to eating healthier. I figure if I change my eating habits my health will improve and my weight will drop. Actually my weight has already begun a descent and I have tons more energy. Energy is a big must in this house so only good things can happen by being healthy.

I shared a few months ago that I am vegetarian. I was raised a vegetarian, and although I strayed some in my teen years and I ate *gasp* hamburgers and beef burrito's and two steaks, I haven't had meat again in almost 20 years. I am slowly trying to wean out the dairy too. Slowly, I haven't told the kids or Dave yet.

I recently bought a couple of vegetarian cookbooks. Quick simple cookbooks that require very few ingredients, ingredients that I am familiar with. So far so good. We have had some good filling dinners that everyone loved. Of course, there was that morning last week I discovered a corndog wrapper and stick in the trash.

It really is magic! Or like I call it - a miracle

2006-03-10T08:13:00.000-08:00

Elyse is two now, she turned two on Sunday. She is taking her two year oldism seriously. She knows it is time for the terribles and she seems to be working extra hard to make sure she gets it all in.

So, last night I was walking into the kitchen and there she was at the edge of the floor with a black sharpie. A SHARPIE, a BLACK sharpie and she was drawing lines with it on the kitchen floor. I was speechless but I did hear a tiny gasp escape from somewhere deep inside me. She heard it too. She immediately jumped up, knowing what she was doing was wrong. The first thing that must have come to her mind was to put it away and no one will notice. She ran back through the kitchen to get the lid that she had left way on the other side. My eyes followed her trail across the floor. She had made lines, a trail, the whole length of the kitchen. Her trail consisted of four or five lines next to each other and then she would move up a few inches and start over. I was furious, no I was more than furious I was speechless. I picked her up and took her to the bathroom and sat her on the stool, the time out stool (thanks supernanny). I didn't say a word, just turned around and walked out of the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Elyse started to cry, no, not cry wail. She sounded like someone was ripping her finger nails out with tweezers. She knew she had done wrong and her guilt was eating her up. At least that is what I would like to think.

I went back and surveyed the kitchen floor. It was awful. I didn't take any pics, wish I had now. I tried 409 and bleach, but that didn't even make a dent in the trail. I didn't know what to do. I hate the linoleum, I hate the whole kitchen, it is so old. Vintage is what we are calling it now, but it is still ugly. But I couldn't leave it like this, nor can we afford to replace it. If only she had used a magic marker, it would have washed off with water an soap, if only she had done this to the walls we could have painted over it. If only she hadn't done this at all. And where the heck did that sharpie come from. I keep them put up high. One of the older kids must have got it down and not put it away, why didn't they put it away?!?! If only...

Then I remembered. Not too long ago I had a coupon for Mr. Clean Magic Eraser so I picked up a box of them at the store. I dug them out from under the sink and read the directions. Just get it wet and start cleaning is the short version. I looked at the flimsy thing and thought this will never work. I got it wet and started to scrub the floor. It was WORKING! I couldn't believe my eyes. It took a while, a long while but I got it all up. It cleaned up the permanent marker off the old ugly linoleum. I really was magic, no not magic, it is a miracle.

Show and tell: My eyes

2006-03-09T08:31:00.000-08:00

The theme for show and tell for Blackbird this week is eyes. Here are mine, this is also my profile picture so this week's S&T was pretty easy for me. I was watching a movie, laying againts the side of the couch when my four year old son, who had been climbing all over me and I was trying to ignore him, yelled boo, when I looked up he took this pic of me. His favorite thing lately is to try to scare people. He is not supposed to have the camera so the joke was more on him. But I looked at the picture later and liked it, so I used it for my profile pic. It doesn't show my whole face which is a good thing, trust me.

My eyes are hazel, more green in the summer for some reason. I am far sighted so I do wear contacts until bed time. My husband is bugging me to get Lasik since our insurance will pay for a lot of it but I am too chicken. For a long time I wished I had blue eyes. I just love blue eyes. But lately I have started to appreciate my eye color more. They are the perfect color for me and they match my hair nicely.

She's two now, let the terribles start but how will I know the difference?

2006-03-06T09:35:00.000-08:00

Elyse turned two over the weekend. I can't believe my baby girl is two years old. It's time for the terrible two's to start. I am pretty sure they started a while ago though, but they seem to have escalated lately. I have noticed that when I try to take her picture she refuses to smile. The look in the picture above is the look I get in almost every picture I take of her, unless I get her by surprise. Her no has become more of a NOOOOOO lately too. And she must have read the definition of *stubborn* in the dictionary one night, she has it down flat.

We celebrated by taking her to Knotts Berry Farm, a local western theme amusement park. We hadn't been there in years and it is cheap to get in as far as the cost of amusement parks go. We were pleasantly surprised at how empty it was the whole day, hardly anyone was there. There was very minimal waiting for every ride. We were able to see the whole park quickly and go back and ride our favorite rides and relax. I could also loosen my grip on the kids and let them walk around more and not worry about them getting lost in a crowd.

Elyse liked the train ride. She is almost smiling here. She obviously didn't know her picture was being taken or she would have reverted back to her ususal picture taking scowl.

She actually loved the merry-go-round, although you can't tell from her poker face look. She loved riding the bunny and cried when I pried her off of it. And I do mean pry. She locked her legs onto that bunny like a vice and wrapped her arms around the pole. For a little thing she has incredible strength. Did I mention how loud her NO can be?!?

It was a wonderful relaxing day. We all had a lot of fun. It was a nice way to spend Elyse's birthday. A nice change from the crazy huge party's we usually have. After the week I had last week it was nice to relax and enjoy the day with the rest of the family instead of being the hostess with the mostest.

Elyse was exhausted by the time we left. She was alseep before we got the key in the ignition. I was hoping that would mean a good nights sleep for us both. Nope, 11:59 p.m. she was crawling in bed with me. She wanted to spend the last minute of her birthday next to me. Having her warm body snuggle up to mine makes all those loud no's and the non smiles okay.

Another thing I thought I would never say

2006-03-03T14:24:00.000-08:00

It rained today in sunny Southern California. Actually it has rained a few days this week, off and on. But today it rained hard! The streets were flooded and I was thankful I had a big car to splash around the puddles in. I dropped Christopher and Elyse off at a sitters and I went shopping for Elyse's birthday present. My baby girl is going to turn two over the weekend. TWO! How can that be possible, I am not ready for my baby to be a big girl. So I shopped and got everything done quite quickly. I went to pick the kids up and of course once we got outside they went right for the puddles. Elyse was up to her ankles in a puddle when I fished her out. I took her shoes and socks off and buckled her into her car seat.

I was driving home and I heard a funny sucking sound. I glanced into the back seat and Elyse was sucking the water out of the bottom of her pants. It was puddle water, a puddle of dirty water that probably had worms in it, eeeewwwww. I was driving down the road yelling, Elyse stop sucking on your pants. I couldn't stop, there was no place to pull over. She wouldn't stop sucking on her pants and Christopher kept saying in a singing voice, "Elyse is sucking on her pants." Luckily it is a short ride home she finally stopped sucking that dirty water. I changed her when we got in the house but I am still wondering what kind of disease she might have sucked up.

I often hear things coming out of my mouth that I thought I would never have to say. Obvious things, like don't lick the carpet. Stop sucking the puddle water out of your pants is at the top of the list.

I was almost done

2006-02-28T17:46:00.000-08:00

I had a post almost done when Elyse went behind the desk and turned the surge protector off and poof, it all went dark, argh!!!

Lots going on! Birthdays galore happening around here, five this week alone, whew. I am officially a mom of a teenager and a toddler, eeek.

I will share more tomorrow when I have more time.

Making friends, whether I want to or not

2006-02-23T09:24:00.000-08:00

I live in a very tight circle. I have a few friends, some closer than others, and I am comfortable in my little circle. I am a busy mom, so I don't have a lot ot time to forge new friendships. Yesterday, I made new friends, even though I wasn't looking for any.

Tayler has decided that she wants to join the Girl Scouts (again). I went to the first meeting with her after school and there were a lot of other mothers there. I said my hellos to the ladies I knew, careful not to linger for fear I might be drawn into a conversation I didn't want to participate it. I kept eyeing the chair next to the door, the one all by itself, thinking that is where I want to sit. Sit and be alone.

But it wasn't to be. The mothers were herded over to a table with another leader. I sat next down to a mother that I am friendly with and I told her this is when they try to get us to volunteer to be leaders. She had a look of shock on her face and asked, do you really think so? I said, oh yes, I have been in this position before, many times, with many different organizations. And sure enough that's what happened. The guilt ridden speech about how these girls desperately needed a leader and would someone please step up came next. I looked around the table at all these moms that are new to these things. They were adverting their eyes or whispering to each other hoping not to be noticed or singled out. I finally spoke up and told the GS leader that most of us either had small kids in addition to our hopeful girlscouts, or the moms worked. The leader looked at me like I had said nothing but the other moms started to nod and agree. They started to talk about co-leading and taking different offices, but that is not what GS does. It is a one woman show.

But I digress. After my statement(s) the other moms started talking to me, engaging me in conversation about kids, parks and fast food restaurants. It was nice. The conversation was actually nice. I looked over at the chair by the door, all alone and it no longer looked appealing to me.

Last night was skate night for the elementary school. Jeff wanted to go so bad, but you see, he doesn't skate. I had planned on going, taking the older kids and their friends and burying my head in a book while I waited for the fun to end. But Jeff kept saying he was willing to give skating a try. Jeff trying a new thing, is well, a big deal so I couldn't turn him down. When we got to the rink and I went and got his skates and me some skates too. I laced us into them and onto the skate floor we went. Jeff must have fell 24 times on the first round. He would fall and I would pick him up, he would fall and I would pick him, he would fall and - you can see where this is going. I was also trying to help other little bodies that were strewn around the rink next to the wall. I was picking kids up everywhere and wondering why their parents weren't out there humiliating themselves on skates like I was. Again, I digress.

We made it around the rink that first time, whew. I had Jeff practice on the carpet for a while. I was sure he would give up and I could sit by the door with my book and dole out quarters to him for the arcade. Nope, he wanted to try again. So around the rink we went, again. He fell less this time, but I was sure he would give up. Nope, we went around again and again and again. We did that for two hours, we took a couple of breaks for water but he was determined. He never did get very good at it, but when we would make it to our starting place he would declare, I only fell six times (or seven or four) that time around. Much better than the 24 when we started.

I finally had to take my skates off, my feet were cramping up and I just couldn't do it anymore. I was sitting on a bench messaging my feet when a neighbor came over and introduced herself to me. We have lived three houses apart for 15 year but have never met. Sad, huh!? We talked about the neighborhood, the neighbors and our families. We have a nice conversion. After she left another neighbor, my next door neighbor who I just exchange niceties with on the rare occasion that I see her out, walked over and we had a nice long conversation. A dad came over and thanked me for helping his daughter out with her skating. He had had knee surgery not too long ago and was not able to skate. He was appreciations that I had helped his daughter. We exchanged knee surgery stories and had a nice conversation.

Soon, almost too soon, it was time to load up the car and head home. I felt happy, like I had made some new friends, whether I wanted to or not.

The wayward contact and Lasik

2006-02-21T07:46:00.000-08:00

I wear contacts, I have for 15 years or so. I don't like glasses, I don't like the way they feel on my face, and maybe I am a little bit vein about having to wear glasses too.

So, last night I went to take my contacts out, and I couldn't find the one in my right eye. I knew it was in there somewhere because I could feel something in my eye, it had moved but I couldn't tell where it moved to. This has happened before with these contacts and I usually find it, but last night I couldn't find it anywhere. I got a small flash light and Dave searched all corners of my eye to no avail. They are tinted blue so it should have been easy to spot.

I was beginning to feel sick to my stomach. There was a thin layer of plastic stuck to my eye ball and I couldn't get it out. We had watched CSI a couple of weeks ago and it showed the guy that does the autopsies pull an eyeball out and then they attempted to remove fluid from it. They showed those eyeballs several times and that is all I could think about. Someday they will remove my eyeball and there will be a contact stuck to the back of it.

My eye became red, bloodshot and inflamed from all the poking around in it. I finally decided to leave it alone and maybe I could find the contact in the morning. If not I would have to go to an optometrist who could hopefully remove it. I went to sleep and kept dreaming of the wayward contact and that I was able to find it and pull it out.

About 2:30 I got up to go to the bathroom and I could still feel it in my eye. I went back to bed and lay there for a while and really concentrated on where I was feeling it at. It didn't hurt, it was just uncomfortable. I got up went to the mirror pulled my bottom lid down and sure enough, there is was. I pulled it out! Oh sweet relief! I woke Dave up to tell him and he said he was happy but it was hard to tell at 3:00 a.m.

Dave has been bugging me to get Lasik surgery on my eyes. Our insurance will pay for part of it, but I am too chicken. I can't stand the thought of my eyes being pinned back and the assaulted with a laser.

But after last night I am ready to look into it. Living with contacts the last couple of years has become difficult. They don't fit right anymore, I have tried several different kinds. I have lost them and tore them. They dry my eyes out and I don't feel as though I can see clearly with them, even though the prescription is correct.

On a happy note, I have been migrain free for two days!

On the computer front, when Dave got home he checked things out and it seems our modem had gone bad. He replaced it this morning I had no problem getting a connection and it is faster than ever.

Happy Presidents Day, and I am a computer geek, sort of...

2006-02-20T11:28:00.000-08:00

Today is Presidents Day, another day off school for the kiddies. It was nice to sleep in, I didn't even get dressed until after 11:00. Tayler is still in her footie jammies with no desire to get dressed at all today. I am just puttering around the house doing laundry and not much else.

I was having computer problems this morning, I just couldn't get an internet connection. I called Dave, the computer geek, at work, which is something I don't do unless it is a dyer emergency. I told him my problem. He said there was nothing he could do until he got home, something about a bad router. I told him I HAD to get on, my *friends* are out there and I needed to be in contact with them. Again, he said he was sorry, but I would have to wait. I was starting to feel like Christopher does when he can't get his V-Smile to work and I am elbow deep in dishes and I tell him to just wait a second. Next time I will dry off my hands and help him. The dishes can wait.

You see, Dave has tried over and over to teach me how these things work, but I don't pay attention. I have never seen a reason to learn since he can do it, and it is what he does for a living. When he isn't home and these things happen, oh how I wish I had paid attention.

Something must have rubbed off, I messed around with two routers, and the wireless connection thingie (I am so technical) until I got it to connect, HA! I did it myself, without Daves help. Of course, the connection is intermittent, I am really hoping to not lose my connection before I am done with this post, and it is really slow. But I did do it. It's the little things, ya know?

Absent blogger

2006-02-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

I haven't been keeping up here like I would like to. You see, I have been fighting a migrain for three effen days now. I am so tired of these things, it is time to see my doctor and do something about it. I can take the occasional migrain, but not one on top of another.

It looks like winter has finally hit us! It has rained off and on for two days now. I love laying in bed watching the the big gray clouds rumbling around the sky out my window. It has also been chilly for us, 58 yesterday with a cold wind. I had to actually break out a fleece coat to wear.

I took Scott and Tayler to a birthday party last night. There was roller skating and ice skating. I roller skated some with the kids and it was fun. I also enjoyed some nice adult conversation with some friends I don't get to see often enough. It was a fun evening and mostly head ace free. But this morning I woke up with that all too familiar ache in the front of my head.

Lonely evenings

2006-02-16T18:50:00.000-08:00

Dave started taking night classes a couple of weeks ago. On school nights he spends about 35 minutes with us, he eats a quick dinner, then he is out the door. I am usually asleep when he gets home, as are the kids. I miss him on these nights, even with five kids in the house, I find myself feeling lonely.

Valentines Day

2006-02-14T08:20:00.000-08:00

I have *ears* for every holiday

Happy Valentines Day! We don't have a lot planned. No going out for Dave and I. It is just too hard to get out on a School night. Plus, a sitter for five kids can cost a fortune. I can't wait until Scott is old enough to sit with the younger kids for a couple of hours, it won't be long.

I plan on making a pasta dish for dinner with salad and garlic toast. Christopher and I are going to make chocolate cup cakes when Elyse goes down for her nap. We will eat dinner by candle light, it will be so romantic, just the seven of us.

Tayler and Jeff have their backpacks full of Valentines to give out to their class mates today. Scott is too old, he says, he is in seventh grade. When I dropped him off this morning I saw a couple of boys standing at the curb of the drop off line with presents. One uncomfortable looking boy had a huge white teddy bear with a hear shaped balloon attached to it that said "I Love You". I was surprised, I don't think it is appropriate for 12 and 13 year olds to be giving gifts like that. There were girls standing there with presents too. I know I must be behind the times.

Camouflaged

2006-02-11T18:12:00.000-08:00

It was such a beautiful day today and we had been in the backyard for at least an hour, when Jeff said "hey mom, look what I found" and he was pointing at a parrot in a bush. We had been no more than a foot away from that fence several times today. It was very well camouflaged in the green bush.

We have a couple of flocks of wild parrots in the area. One is a rather large flock of 30 parrots and the other is much smaller in size of about eight to ten parrots. They are not indignant to our Southern California area and I am not sure where they came from but they have been around for 20+ years.

But this parrot was not a wild parrot. It acted almost bored when we all gathered around to gawk at it. It was someone's pet. The kids wanted to keep it, of course, but there is no way I am bringing one of those dirty creatures into our already crowded quarters. I have had birds before and they are messy.

I knew we couldn't leave it out like that, it obviously had no survival skills since it couldn't even detect the impending danger of five kids stalking it. We have cats, possums and raccoons in the area and I didn't want it to become a meal. So we alerted the neighbors, who have birds and an available cage to give it a suitable home. It was easily captured and looked relieved to be behind bars. Signs will be put up and ads will be taken out in search of the wayward parrots owners. If they aren't found it will have a good home.

Later, I was thinking about how well the parrot was camouflaged, how it just wanted to blend in and not be noticed. That is how my mood has become lately. I just want to blend in. I don't want to stand out, I don't want to participate, I don't want to socialize. I just want to become a solitary creature. An impossibility in my household I know, but outside the house I just want to remain anonymous.

I force myself out of bed everyday. I force myself to shower and dress thinking once I get going I will feel better and more up to facing the day. I don't. I get the kids off to school, play with the younger kids and go through our morning routine and at 11:00, t.v. time, I go back to my bed and pull the covers up to my neck hoping to be swallowed up and disappear. I don't even want to answer the phone when it rings, I don't want to talk, I don't want to engage in the niceties of a conversation. I just want to be numb.

Of course I can't, the kids, my family, need me to be an active participant in life. So I continue to pretend, hoping that if I fake it, I will make it.

The difference between girls and boys

2006-02-09T13:28:00.000-08:00

Christopher and Elyse were eating lunch today as I was cleaning up the kitchen. I walked over to Elyse's highchair and said wow, you ate all your lunch, you must have been a hungry girl!

Christopher said, what about me? I ate all my lunch too. I said yes you did, but I was talking to Elyse and I said she was a hungry girl, are you a girl? He said, no mom, of course not. So I asked him if he knew what the difference is between a girl and a boy.

He responded with, boys have peanuts and girls have, um, tacos?!

Crazy life and I am an idiot blogger

2006-02-07T18:36:00.000-08:00

Life has been more crazy than usual these last couple of days. Elyse is still keeping me up most of the night. Now instead of going to bed at her usual time of 8:30 and then getting up at 2 a.m., she stays up until 11:30 then gets up at 2 anyway. So my nights have been short lived.

There have been wild fires not far from our house. Ashes have been falling for two days and everything is filthy from it. The smoke has been so thick it looks like fog. The smokey conditions have made Jeffs asthma flare up, and mine too. I went out yesterday for a little while and when I got home I had to change my clothes because they smelled so badly of smoke. It has also been hot, in the 80's. I can't even remember the last time it rained.

Tayler has had a bladder infection. It has now spread to her kidney's. She is on an antibiotic that is not doing it's job. The doctor has changed it, and we are hoping it will start to work soon. She has been in horrible pain and running a fever. She is missing school, this isn't good. If she isn't better by Thursday she may have to go to Childrens hospital for IV antibiotics. We have our fingers crossed that won't happen!

I am so ignorant to this blogging stuff. I want to add my pic to my profile and I can't figure out how. It can't be that hard, can it? I also wanted to add my Flickr photos and they keep ending up in odd places. Don't even get me started about blog rolls, I have no idea how to add one. This does get easier doesn't it?

Oh, and to top it off, Dave has been gone for three days, I am about to go insane with these kids and lack of sleep.

I need a warm bath and a refreshment.

Older kids and younger kids

2006-02-05T18:12:00.000-08:00

I have five kids. They range in ages from almost 13 down to 22 months. Scott is my oldest son, he is a good kid. He is almost a teen so he has to test his limits sometimes with the back talk and being sassy, but he really is a good kid. He is great with his younger siblings. He is so patient with them and gives them a lot of time and attention.

We were at the park yesterday, walking next to a lake and I heard him say, Christopher you have to hold my hand! I don't want you falling in. I had to laugh to myself wondering when he became a mother. He kept a close on Christopher the whole time making sure he stayed safe and dry.

But I also had to wonder where the line is between sibling and parent figure. I have always been careful not to put too much responsibility on the older kids with the younger kids. They never change diapers, and I don't put them in charge of the younger sibs so I can sit around and do nothing. They are expected to help though. If Elyse needs help with her shoes or jacket I ask one of the older kids too help if I am busy. Or if I am making dinner I will ask the older kids to read or play with a younger kid to keep them busy. But I never want the older kids to view their younger sibs as a burden. Watching Scott be so protective of Christopher makes me wonder if that line has been crossed somewhere along the way. I don't think it has, I think he was just being an overprotective big brother. Still, I wonder.

I tried to get a nice picture of a sunset but this is all I got. Not very good but kind of nice in a way.

Show and Tell: My Purse

2006-02-03T09:00:00.000-08:00

Show and tell Friday for Blackbird this week is our purse or briefcase.

This is my current purse, it is made by Nine West. I like to change purses three or four times a year. But I have been carrying this one since last summer. I looked for a winter purse, but I couldn't find one I liked in my price range. I am picky about my purses. I don't like them too big because I tend to load them with junk. I also don't like them too small because I still need to be able to stick a (clean) diaper in it. I don't carry a diaper bag anymore. I also like the handles to be long enough so I can fit my purse up under my arm but not too long so it hangs and hits me in the leg. It took me a couple of weeks to find this one. The thing I don't like about this one is that the cell phone pocket isn't in the right place so I don't use it. So, whenever my cell phone rings I have to dig around my purse to find it. It is time to shop for a new purse.

*********************************

In other news, I am feeling much better today. The kids are home from school for a non student day, whatever that means. All week I heard the temperature was going to be in the 80's by Friday. So I thought we would spend a good chunk of the day at the beach. Guess what, it is foggy and cold out, and now it is going to be 67, grrrr. So now I don't know what we will do. Maybe the movies and lunch at the mall. So it goes from a totally free outing to a good $60.00 for an afternoon out. Oh well.

I think I am sick

2006-02-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

I don't feel too well, it feels like a stomach bug. My stomach is really upset, my body aches and the side of my head hurts. I can't decided if it is turning into a migrain or not. I don't want to take the migrain meds if I don't have to, but I also don't want to let the headache get out of control and turn into a migrain. It's a fine line.

I was asleep last night before 9:00, I was just so tired, this must have been coming on. It also might explain why I was so, lets say, cranky, yesterday. I hate stomach bugs, they keep me from enjoying one of my favorite things - FOOD.

At least the 1 year old insomniac is sleeping better. She came into my room at 5:30 this morning, not too early. She snuggled up next to me and went back to sleep. I lay there looking at her sweet little sleeping face, feeling so much love for her I could hardly stand I just wanted to burn that moment in time in my brain forever. It was nice having her snuggled up againts me, her warm body easing my aches.

I really don't have time to be sick. And I really hate sitting the kids in front of the electronic babysitter all day, ugh. Ten more hours until Dave gets home, if I can just hang on until then. It's going to be a long day.

I probably should have stayed in bed today

2006-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

Thank God this day is almost over! It has been one thing after another, all day. I won't even begin to describe it. I have come to the conclusion that either:

Everyone outside of my bedroom are idiots.
Or I am a raving bitch.

It is probably the second on. I think at a certain time of the month, I should just stay inside the house with the curtains drawn wiht the doors bolted.

I have been picking arguments with Dave all evening. And you know what? It feels good! I think I might be on the passive aggressive side today.

I went to the store to pick up some hard taco shells for dinner, because no one except me can eat soft taco shells, so I had to go get the hard ones for the rest of the family (insert sarcasm) . I came out of the store and turned the car on. I sat for a few seconds then I turned the car off and rested my head on the steering wheel. I don't know how long I sat like that, my radio did turn off, it does that after ten minutes. Then I heard a knock on the window. I looked up and there was my friend Jen. She said she had seen me sitting there for a while, and she wanted to know if I was okay. I said yes, it had just been a difficult day. She works at a daycare center and she knows all about bad days. She hopped in the car and we went across the street to Starbucks.

We were sitting there having our treats, and enjoying ourselves. I was actually laughing and I felt relaxed. I had been gone for over an hour, a trip that should have taken 15 minutes. My cell started to ring. It was Dave wanting to know when I was coming home with the shells, the rest of dinner was ready. So there went my serenity, back to reality.

Dave is giving me my space now. He can sense that I am at my breaking point. So here I sit, in bed with the lap top enjoying my alone time. It won't last.

Can she fix it? Or is she a pack rat, or just plain cheap?

2006-01-31T14:51:00.000-08:00

While cleaning out the garage, we came across many things, a lot of it useless. But this cooler, I thought, could be salvaged. Dave told me to just throw it away and get a new one. Maybe one with wheels, since he is the one that has to lug the cooler around when we are out and about. But there was nothing wrong with it other than the broken handle. I assured him I could fix it. I knew there was a reason I had bought Duct Tape in every color a few months ago. I knew just what to do.

The Problem: Broken handle on cooler.

The solution: White Duct Tape.

Ta Da all fixed. Won't Dave be impressed?

These are some pictures of Elyse I had to share. She is taking her nekked baby-doll for a ride. She has her refreshment stored in the back so she won't get an open container citation.Ant's do not make the best of playmates, but she was willing to give them a chance.

Descent into migrain hell

2006-01-31T08:06:00.000-08:00

It started about 1:00 a.m. It pulled me from a deep somber, slowly calling me out. The throbbing, on one side of my head. Once awake, I laid as still as possible hoping it would stop, or at least slow down it's take over of my entire head. It slowly spread from one side of my head to the other side, until finally it had spread to that place in my stomach and throat as well. I had to get up and vomit, twice. There was no denying it, I had a migrain. I managed to stumble to the kitchen for my medicine, the medicine that makes my stomach sicker that the migrain. But I will do anything to stop the pain.

I was very careful to be sure I had the right bottle. At two in the morning, with a groggy pounding head I was afraid that I would take the wrong pill. In my haste to get the pills out I dropped one. I dropped a little piece of gold, that's how I feel about those pain stoppers. So there I was at 2:00 a.m. crawling around the kitchen floor in minimum light trying to find that little stinker. Finally, there it was under the stove. I dug it out and decided it was too icky to swallow so I burried it deep in the trash. I didn't want the little kids to find it. Elyse isn't beyond dumpster diving, yet.

So back to bed I went, to wait for the pain to subside. That's when the 1 year old insomniac got up. Since the lock out incident she has become more calm in our bed. Knowing that the wrong move or kick could send her out the door. I am still trying to decide if I should continue to feel guilty over that or not. So there I lay in pain, listening to the alphabet song being sung over and over.

Finally, the pain started to ease and the singing started to slow. At about the same time the pain was gone and the singing had turned into the sound of soft breathing. She was asleep!

Soon sweet sleep took me over too. Too bad ten minutes later my alarm went off to signal the start of my day. Aww, well, maybe I can go to bed early tonight.

Sorting through the crap of our lives

2006-01-29T19:18:00.000-08:00

What a day. It was one of those Sunday's I hate. We spent a good chunk of the day cleaning out the garage. I spent hours with two tables set up sorting through the crapola of our lives. I had stuff spread all over the driveway. See, we haven't cleaned the garage in years, years I tell ya. Once in a while I would throw things away, and I did put things in bags or boxes and mark them but we just never went through it again.

There were stacks of boxes and bags to sort through. I reduced it all down to three containers. My suburban is stuffed full of bags and items that I am going to take to the Salvation Army in the morning. There is only enough room for me to drive and Christopher and Elyse to sit.

The funny part was that cars going by would actually slow down, and look. They thought we were having a garage sale. A couple of people even stopped and rolled down their windows and asked if it was a garage sale. That's when I got a brilliant idea. I set out some of the baby items I was going to give away, like the swing, a stroller, a bouncer, a high chair and some other miscellaneous Items. I took cardboard and wrote a price on it and set it in front of each item. I made $63.00 cleaning out the garage. Not too bad for a few hours work. It also saved me from hauling all that stuff away.

I would have rather spent the day doing something with the kids, but these things have to be done too. I tried involving them in the cleaning, but they kept hauling stuff into their rooms. So I finally had to sit them in front of a DVD, ugh.

I am exhausted, but the sense of accomplishment overshadows my tiredness. Now to tackle the closets.

Funeral

2006-01-28T19:35:00.000-08:00

We went to a funeral today. It was a funeral for a good man, a man that was too young to die. He and his wife are friends of ours. He had a disease, a disease called cancer. It ravaged his body. He fought long and hard, he was a warrior. He never complained, he never felt sorry for himself.

After years of treatment he was declared cancer free. Then last November another tumor was found. Again he fought, but he was weary, his body was tired. It was time for him to go.

So, we went to a funeral today. It was at a beautiful glass chapel on a hill. It was a somber service yet a time to celebrate his life. The chapel was packed, standing room only. A testimony to what kind of a person he was. He touched so many people's life's and they came to say good bye. His family and friends have suffered a great loss.

Good bye dear friend.

Free haircuts

2006-01-26T20:46:00.000-08:00

He looks all sweet and innocent.

Christopher is giving free haircuts tonight. I noticed a trail of hair going down the hallway. Upon following it I found Christopher with a fist full of hair. I very calmly and quietly asked him whose hair he was holding. His response was, I don't know. So I said, well, you are holding it, so I thought maybe you would know who it belonged to.

He confessed that it was his hair. I asked him why he would cut his hair and he said so that people could see his ears. He does have long shaggy hair, with plenty to cut and I couldn't see exactly where it had come from. I was trying to stay ever so calm, but I was slowly losing it. I couldn't even bring myself to find the spots where he had cut it. I put him in the bathroom on a step, that is his and Elyse's time out spot. I really needed the time out more than he did. I was home alone with the kids, and I was feeling overwhelmed by just the nightly schedule.

As I was telling him to stay put, I noticed Elyse had some hair clippings stuck to her shirt. I was almost shaking by then but I did not raise my voice. I asked him if he had cut Elyse's hair. He knew better than to deny it. I asked him why he cut her hair and he said so we can see her ears too. I had to walk out at that time and shut the door. I went into the kitchen and took my frustration out on the dishes.

I finally went to get Christopher from time out and I checked his hair. Sure enough, big chunks are missing from above his ears. It isn't too noticeable, but I will probably have to take him for a haircut to get it fixed. He also cut a chunk out of Elyse's hair on one side, right below her ear lobe. I will probably leave it like it is. It isn't too noticeable. Not exactly how I envisioned her first haircut.

A hot bath would be nice, but I don't feel like scrubbing out the tub.

Missing our neighbor

2006-01-26T09:54:00.000-08:00

About six years ago a couple moved in directly across the street from us. Lets call him Guy and her Lady. Guy and Lady seemed like complete opposites to me. Guy is an extrovert, Lady is an introvert, Guy is athletic with an athlete's body and Lady stays inside and doesn't have an athletic body, Guy is on the short side, Lady is tall and so on.

They weren't married, Lady had actually bought the house and Guy was moving in with her. Shacking up as Dr. Laura would say. I don't judge, if they were happy, well, it's their lives to live. They seemed happy and in love.

Guy knew everyone in the neighborhood. He would ride up and down the street on his bike talking to people and just being friendly. He would always yell hello across the street when I was out or wave as I drove off. He would venture across the road every now and then to talk, but never stayed too long. He never talked badly about the other neighbors and was just an up person.

The neighborhood children loved Guy. Guy was never too busy to toss the ball around with them, take them on group bike rides around the block or buy them ice cream from the ice cream truck. Guy is just generally an all around nice guy.

On New Years Eve I noticed Guy wasn't outside with the rest of us nerds at midnight, banging pans together and setting off fireworks, like he had been in years past. His car was gone. For the next several days his car was gone. We would never think of asking Lady where he was because she didn't talk to anyone. Every once in a while we would see Guy's car in his driveway and get excited thinking, Guy is back, he is home where he belongs. Then we would notice him putting boxes in his car.

Last night, Guy's car was back, he was in the driveway loading it up. He was alone so Dave ventured over there to talk to Guy. Sure enough, Guy had moved out, he is living in a neighboring city. He didn't say what had prompted his move, and Dave isn't one to pry so we will never know. We will probably never see Guy again.

It's strange how much quieter the street has become without Guy. How unfriendly it seems to be now. He was the glue that kept us connected. I feel as though I am mourning the fact that Guy is gone. We all are. We will miss Guy.

The story of a 1 year old insomniac and a desperate mom

2006-01-25T08:29:00.000-08:00

For the last five nights in a row, around 1:30 a.m., Elyse comes down the hall and climbs into bed with us. If she would just lay there silently, be still and go back to sleep it wouldn't be a big deal. But she kicks, she kicks me mostly, she never kicks Dave. She then starts singing, she sings the ABC song over and over and over. Finally I turn on the T.V. in hopes that will quiet her. But you know what, there is nothing kid oriented at 2:00 in the morning. Actually, it is quite the opposite. I had to quickly turn past Girls Gone Wild commercials several times, ick. So we finally settle on Jay Leno reruns. Elyse actually seems to enjoy the Jayster, she will lay still and watch the entire show. That gives me a chance to drift back off to sleep.

Last night I was dreaming, dreaming that I was snorkeling in Hannamma Bay in Hawaii, a favorite place of ours. In my dream something went wrong, I couldn't breath through my snorkel and I couldn't seem to stand up, there was a great weight holding me under the water. I was drowning. Suffocating. Then instincts took over, and I woke with a start. Elyse was laying across my face and I couldn't breath. Was it an accident, or was she just mad because I had dozed off and was no longer watching late night Leno with her. I turned over and was mulling that over when she started kicking me in the back of the head.

I just couldn't take it anymore. I was exhausted and tired of being abused. I got up, pulled her out of bed and put her back to her bed. She was getting out of here bed even as I was trying to get out of her room. I ran, yes, I ran back to my room and locked the door. No, I am not proud of that but I was hoping she would go back to her bed when she realized she couldn't get to mine. She stood outside my door screaming mommy where are you? Over and over.

Just as I was starting to feel quite guilty and let her in, it got quiet, hmmm, maybe my plan had worked. No, soon there was a quiet knock at my door followed by Taylers voice. Elyse had gone for reinforcements. I told Tay to just go back to bed. It was still quiet, I waited, not wanting to go out too soon for fear she might hear me. I waited 25 minutes in darkness and silence. Then I quietly, oh so quietly I unlocked the door and slowly opened it and peered out into the hallway. Laying there on the floor all covered up was Tay and Elyse. Elyse instantly stood up and darted into my room and climbed into my bed. I told Tay to go back to bed and what a good sister she is.

So, Elyse has won. I can't have her keeping Tayler up all night and I don't know what else to do. She did finally go to sleep around 5:00 a.m. I finally went back to sleep about 5:30 and my alarm went off at 6:15. Another long night.

I have to keep wondering, what causes a one year old to get up in the middle of the night and stay awake for hours on end and still not be exhausted the next day. Most importantly, how long will this go on.

The street is not an ashtray!

2006-01-24T14:41:00.000-08:00

I was on the road today running several errands. I saw at least five people flick their lit cigarette butts out their windows! I see this from time to time but not like this. I was at a stop light next to a lady when she flicked her butt out the window. I gave her a glare that should have set her on fire and she just looked at me. I couldn't let it go. I wanted to, but I couldn't. I rolled down the passenger side window and yelled, the street is not your personal ash tray, that is littering not to mention the fire danger. The wind is still blowing today and that butt could have easily been blown into the dry brush next to us. She just looked at me, I really wanted to smack her. Yes, I had road rage.

Then I went to the kids school to get them and there was a man standing right in front of the school smoking. Right in front of the school. Why not have a beer in front of the school too? This just irked me. I coughed a couple of times and shot him a look but he was clueless.

Is it Friday yet?

If a tree falls, an answer to the age old question, sort of

2006-01-23T18:47:00.000-08:00

Everyone has heard the age old question about the tree falling in the Forrest.

I have an answer to another question. If a tree across the street is blown over, and hits another tree on the way down, does it make a sound.

Absolutely, YES! It makes a horrible cracking sound, followed by a big thud, followed by more cracking and finally two or three big thuds. Once the dust had settled, I was able to go out and survey the damage. The tree's came about three feet from taking out my car and about five feet from the garage.

Then there was another sound. The sound of city workers with chain saws cutting the trees up, and the sound of a wood chipper shredding them down to mere saw dust. Soon, I am sure we will hear the sound of cement trucks rolling through the neighborhood to fix the sidewalk that was left all twisted and shattered. Soon there will be no evidence of those two trees. Trees that had been there for probably thirty years.

Life goes on, thank God.

It's a pony tail day

2006-01-23T08:48:00.000-08:00

The wind is whipping through the Southern part of the golden state today. It has been going on for a couple of days now and should continue through tomorrow. There are gusts up to 80 mph.

I hate the wind. I hate the noise. I hate the mess it creates. I hate how it dries out Christopher's little legs and makes them crack and bleed. I hate how it stirs up the dust an pollen and irritates Jeff's allergies and asthma. I hate how it makes our lips chap. I hate how it makes my hair whip around and tangle. I hate worrying about Dave being blown around the freeway on his way to and home from work. I hate the power outages it is sure to cause. I hate the wind. Did I mention that?

So, it is a pony tail day. My hair is pulled back into a tight pony tail and I pulled Tay's hair back into a tight braid. I put chap stick in everyone's pocket and I put extra lotion on Christophers legs. I medicated Jeff and sent a note to his teacher instructing her to call me if his asthma acts up.

At least it isn't raining.

Sunday Morning

2006-01-22T09:52:00.000-08:00

I love Sunday mornings like today. It is chilly outside and we are holed up in the house. We have nowhere to go and nothing to do today. The smells of the potato and egg breakfast with a side of pancakes is still lingering in the air. The kids are scattered through the house, still in their jammies, playing games, reading books and watching t.v. Me, I am tucked under a blanket with the lap top surfing the net.

Later, we will hit the mall for a late lunch, and the book store for some new books. After a family movie and a popcorn dinner, we will tuck the kids into bed, and I will get to watch Desperate Housewives and then drift off to sleep. It is a good day.

Show and Tell: My Favorite Hat

2006-01-20T08:30:00.000-08:00

These pics were taken by my nine year old daughter this morning on our way out the door for school. I am really not that short, I had to kneel so she could take the pics, she is short. My hair is all fluffy and hasn't been *styled* yet so please forgive the frizziness. I have lots of hats. As a redhead with fair skin I am a shade dweller. I have to wear hats when I am in the sun for long periods of time or I get sun stroke.

This is my favorite hat. I got it two summer ago when we went to Palm Springs. We stayed at a place called Dessert Springs Resort, that's what the hat says but I don't think it is legible in the picture. It was an awesome resort. Our Villa was right on the golf course and there were swimming pools everywhere. We took the week to just kick back and relax. Of course, it was 119 degrees there most days but it is a dry heat, and it didn't feel a degree over 118. We did put the kids in child care one day and make a feeble attempt to golf. Dave and I have always wanted to golf but with five kids it is not a luxury we can afford, money or time wise.

This is how I wear it on bad hair days.

This is how I wear it when I just want to embarrass the kids.

All About Me

2006-01-19T08:24:00.000-08:00

I noticed something happening to me between Thanksgiving and New Years, something I said would never happen. I was becoming frumpy. I quit showering daily, yikes! I have always showered and washed my hair every day, ever since I was a teen. I do know there are some lucky ladies that don't have to wash their hair daily but I do. It isn't oily, but it clings to my head if it isn't cleansed daily. I got lazy and started sleeping late so when I would finally pull my big lazy body out of bed I would just have time to pull on some sweats and sweep my hair into a sloppy pony tail. Forget about makeup. I would trudge around the house like that all day and when it was time to get the kids I would put on a hat and sunglasses to hide behind so no one would notice how icky I was. I think I was kidding myself.

One day while getting dressed, I caught a glimpse of my half naked body in the mirror. Oh, the horror. There was that marshmallow man from Ghostbusters looking back at me. I looked over my shoulder, sure I would see him peering through my window, but no, it was actually my reflection in the mirror. A blanket of shame and embarrassment came over me. How could I let myself get to be like this? I mean, I knew I was chubby but this, not this! So I stepped on that horrible scale and sure enough, I am 50 pounds overweight. 50! Not the 20 pounds I was after having Elyse a year and a half ago but 50 pounds. I had gained 30 pounds in a year and a half.

I knew I was gaining weight, jeans don't lie. No wonder my diabetes has been out of control and my blood pressure is slowly rising. I wasn't taking care of myself. What happened to that person before kids? The one that played softball, soccer, the person who loved to kayak and mountain bike. I peered closer in the mirror, she has to be in there somewhere, I must find her and free her!

So a New Years Resolution was made. Starting January 1st, I would go back to Weight Watchers. I had had great success with WW after I had Jeff so I know it will work for me again. But wait, I couldn't start January 1st, we had a New Years party to go to and there was sure to be good food there to gorge myself on, the 2nd, I would start the 2nd. Then the 2nd rolled around and the kids and Dave were still home, and we still had the junk in the house, so I couldn't start until that was gone, right!? The 3d for sure would be my start date, yes the 3d!

The 3d came and I started to make yet another excuse, because you see, excuses are easier to make than changes, real changes. That's when I thought of the marshmallow guy that is holding the athletic girl hostage, he was smiling and taunting me. No more excuses. The 3d was my start day. I had a rough first week but since then I have been doing well.

I get up early and take my shower first thing and get dressed, in real clothes. I blow dry my hair and put on make up and face the day with determination and all the confidence I can muster. Now, I'm not saying that I will never have a -no shower, pony tail, no make up, wear sweats all day- again, just not everyday like that bad month.

I have spent so many years taking care of the needs of my family I neglected ME. I need to carve out some guilt free time for myself. I need to take care of me, I am important part of this family too. Now, I am not saying that I will now neglect the needs of my family, they are still the most important people in my life. I am just saying that I deserve the same care too.

The Lonely Hermit Crab

2006-01-18T08:18:00.000-08:00

Hermit crabs get lonely, who would have thought? The picture isn't very good, but what inhabits the pink shell is a crab named Pinky Tuscaderro, Pinky for short. She belongs to Tayler. She is huddled up againts the empty shell of her companion, and long time friend American. American died a few weeks ago. American was Jeff's crab and we were all very sad when he passed on, but none was sadder than Pinky. Pinky and American would sleep in a half coconut house together. Upon Americans passing, I left the shell in the habitat for decoration. Then I started to notice that everytime I looked into the habitat, Pinky was next to Americans shell, even when she should have been in her half coconut house sleeping the day away, as hermit crabs seem to do. So we all started to pay more attention to Pinky. I would put her in the cup holder of the stroller and take her to pick up the kids at school and she loved it. She loved the sunshine and all the attention she gets from the school kids. She became quite social. When we would come into the room she would crab walk to the side of her habitat to see us. When she hears my voice she pops out of her shell to see me. She would watch t.v. with us and watch us play games. She became one of the family. Strange? Yes.

But she was still lonely. I really didn't want anymore pets, quite frankly I was waiting for her to pass on so we could be pet free. But the look in her beaty little eyes was just so sad and sullen. So we had to get her a companion. We went to the pet store, and they had a whole mess of hermit crabs, hundreds it looked like. That's when I got the idea. What if I brought Pinky back and just quietly placed her in the tank with the other hermit crabs? No one would ever notice, and she would have all the friends she could handle. Well, the kids would not go along with that idea, and to be honest I have become quite attached to Pinky and I would have missed her. So, we bought her three companions. She seems to have bonded with one in particular, a small brown one. I find them huddled together often, in their half coconut home. She still comes to see me when I call her and she is much more content now. Pinky is lonely no more.

Space Germs

2006-01-16T15:31:00.000-08:00

I was watching the news last night, there was a report on the return to Earth of space dust. From what I remember, years ago they sent up a space probe to collect the dust from a comet and then they brought the dust back to Earth.

That got me to thinking. I wonder what could be in there, I mean they think comets are made up of ice, will they open it up and find a glass of water? It did get pretty hot when it came through the atmosphere so maybe it all just evaporated.

Then again, they are hoping to find some kind of dust and particles. I am not naive enough to believe that we are the only beings in this big vast universe, I don't think the space center would be that naive either, would they? What if they open up that canister and release some kind of super bug space germ into the atmosphere. What if comets are really medical waste barges dumped from other universes. I just don't know if it is such a good idea to bring foreign, I mean really foreign matter back to our little blue planet.

They say that they can study this *dust* and it will help *us* understand the birth of our solar system. They spent billions on this expedition, BILLIONS! This got me to thinking again. WOW, what could I do with billions of dollars? I really don't even want billions of dollars, maybe a few million but billions, too much to think about. But what else could this money have gone for? Maybe it could have bought food for the many kids that go to bed hungry in our country, other countries. How about clothes, shelter, education, medical care, medical research, medicine etc.

What is more important, learning about the *birth* of our solar system or taking care of the people that are here, I mean, we are here, how we got here isn't that important, is it? Surviving here is important, taking care of each other is important, isn't it?

I was just thinking.

Vegas, Baby

2006-01-12T14:59:00.000-08:00

The Stratosphere Hotel, pic taken from the fwy.

So, Dave got some time off work so we decided to take some much needed family time and take a trip to Las Vegas. I would love to share the details with ya' all but you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas!

I will say that we had a fantastic time and we were sad to come home to the same 'ole routine.

Has this ever happened to you?

2006-01-07T15:30:00.000-08:00

I was rushed to get out of the house yesterday morning. I planned on going straight to do the grocery shopping after dropping the kids off at school. Half way through my shopping, Christopher said mom, why couldn't I wear my slippers to the store and you did? I looked down and sure enough, there were my pink fuzzy slippers staring back up at me.

From then on shopping was a complete flop. Elyse wouldn't sit down, Christopher pulled a box of poptarts out from the bottom of the display and an avalanche ensued and I had no checks when I got to the cashier. Those were just some of the events that happened.

Next time I will wait until the weekend or when Dave is home to watch the kids.

Update on the loneliest boy

2006-01-04T17:27:00.000-08:00

Jeff came out of school yesterday with a big smile on his face, he had made two new friends at recess and he was so excited to have had playmates.

Then I noticed something interesting on our walk home. Several, eight maybe nine children would yell out "bye Jeff" and wave at him. I thought, for such a lonely child, who wanders the playground with his hands in his pockets, well, he sure has a lot of friends. Once we got home two more kids came by wanting to know if he could come out and play.

Today was more of the same.

I think I was sucked into his story, his drama. I have been suckered, I hope.

All is good in Jeff's world again and my heart is singing.

Back to our regularly scheduled programs

2006-01-03T11:38:00.000-08:00

First day of school in September.

The three older kids went back to school today after being out for slightly more that two weeks. They are all wearing new Christmas clothes, new shiny shoes and they all had hair cuts yesterday. It is almost like starting the school year over again.

I miss them. The younger kids miss them terribly. Elyse keeps wandering around the house calling their names. Christopher keeps asking if it is time to go get them yet.

Jeff is our middle child, he is seven and in the second grade. He is a wonderful child (yes, I am biased) who hardly gives us a moment of trouble. He is our art-sy child. He loves drama, he wants to perform and be an actor when he grows up. He draws and paints. He writes his own plays and acts them out for us. He also loves baseball and football and girls, god help us. He is quite the story teller and can draw us in and make us believe we are right there living it with him.

I was helping Jeff comb his hair last night after his shower and he started to tell me the saddest story. It seems that he *broke up* with his best friend a few weeks ago. Best friend was very demanding and insisted they only play what he wanted to play. Jeff didn't seem to agree and in his words at recess one day he broke up with best friend. It was all I could do not to laugh at the phrase. I was proud of him for standing up for himself. At seven that must have been very difficult for him.

The story continued on. Since the time of the said break up, he has no one to play with. He said he walks around at recess with his hands in his pockets and looks at his shoes. That broke my heart, so I called Dave in to hear the story and share my pain. I seriously wanted to cry at that point, I could just picture my poor miserable little boy stumbling around the big playground with his hands in his pockets feeling lonely. He kept telling us how the other kids were playing and having fun and oh, how he wished he could have fun too.

Jeff on the school playground last month when I was a parent volunteer. He looks like he is having fun.

We suggested several alternatives, why not ask some other kids to play. He replied that we don't allow him to talk to strangers (there are six second grade classes at his school). I did try to explain the difference between strangers and kids his age being playmates but he said he was too shy. Why not play with so and so from your class, I asked. He can't find them at recess time he replied(there are easily 300 kids on the playground at recess time). Try the swings, jungle gym or slide we begged! They are too crowded, he said with a deep sigh. We were out of ideas by that time, so we hugged him and asked him to just try some of the things we suggested, he agreed. Then I gave him ice cream and let him beat me at Uno over and over. You know, to build his confidence.

So here I sit, knowing he is at lunch recess and all I can think about is my lonely boy wandering the playground, wishing he could have fun too. I am so hoping this story isn't as sad as he makes it out to be, he can be quite dramatic. I wanted to go play with him at recess, I want to *spy* on him at recess to make sure he is okay, ya know?

My heart hurts.

Five Weird Things

2006-01-02T14:45:00.000-08:00

I was tagged by Slacker Mom to share five weird things about myself. I had to whittle it down to get just five, okay six.

1) I can wiggle my nose up and down better than Samantha on Bewitched.

2) I like to eat raw dough. Cake, cookie, brownie, it doesn't matter what kind, I like them all.

3) My middle toes are crooked, they bend outward at a weird angle. I was self conscious about them for many years and wouldn't wear open toed shoes but now I could care less. I think they add character to my feet.

4) I have to sleep with a pillow over my head, it has to completely cover my head with a little space open at the bottom so I can breath.

5) I don't like french fries, potato chips, ice tea or watermelon or any melons for that fact. I wish I did like those things because everyone else does, at least everyone I know does. I feel like such a freak for not liking those things.

6) A bonus: I am grossed out by meat. I was raised vegetarian and I have never eaten, sea food, turkey, chicken or pork (that I am aware of). I have eaten exactly two steaks in my entire life. If I did eat meat it had to be a burger covered in cheese and a bun so I couldn't see it at all. I ate beef for maybe two years and then gave it up completely 18 years ago. I still miss big macs.

Happy New Years!

2006-01-01T18:37:00.000-08:00

The kids in Las Vegas at the Luxor a month ago.

Happy 2006! We had a pretty uneventful day. It rained off and on most of the day and I hear a storm is coming down from the North tomorrow that is going to be pretty bad. It looks like it is going to rain on the Rose parade for the first time in over fifty years.

I made a cabbage stew and cornbread for lunch, I read a long time ago that it is good luck to eat cabbage on New Year day so we have it every year. Since we aren't big cabbage fans, unless of course it is grated and covered in dressing and so many seasonings you can't actually taste the cabbage, over the years it has become more stew than cabbage stew.

Later in the afternoon it was dark and raining out so I decided a movie would be nice. I thought about calling a friend to go but I decided I really just wanted to go alone. I didn't want to hastle with what theater to go to, where to meet, what time we should go etc... I just wanted to go. So I went. I saw the Family Stone, such a good movie, I recommend it. I laughed and I cried, and I cried. I was glad I was alone.

Last night was a great success. Except for the fact that Elyse decided to poop at the restaurant and I had no diapers with me. I took her dirty diaper off and cleaned her up and pulled her tights up and said a silent prayer that she wouldn't pee on the way home, she didn't. We watched Elf and at 10:00 p.m. I told Christopher and Elyse that it was midnight and we had a mini celebration and put them to bed. Deceitful, I know, but they were tired. The rest of us played games until close to midnight then we watched the rebroadcast of the ball dropping in NYC. The kids and Dave went outside and banged pots and pans together with the other neighbors who were also setting fireworks off. Then finally, to bed.

Happy New Years Eve!

2005-12-31T16:09:00.000-08:00

So, here we are, on the cusp of 2006! I am so excited to be starting this new year, I have a lot of plans for some big changes for this little family in 2006. I am also terrified of the changes that will be coming in 2006. See, I don't do change very well, I like the same 'ole, same 'ole but in this family, and in this life change is immanent and necessary.

We don't have any big plans for this evening. It is hard to make any big plans with a toddler and a four year old going through a very difficult *phase*. May 2006 bring and end to the four year old phase! We are going to go eat out at the Old Spaghetti Factory and watch the trains go by in the rain. Then we will come home for family games, watch some new DVD's and eat junk food. I took a nice nap so I should have no problem making it until midnight, I know the kids will make it after they gobble up all the sugary snacks I have planned for them. I keep wondering when I got to the age that requires a nap to stay up until midnight.

I wish you all a prosperous and healthy 2006.

Bye-bye Laundromat

2005-12-29T15:35:00.001-08:00

What I learned at the Laundromat.

- Always watch your quarters, they are like gold when it comes to drying that last load.

- Distract the children when the homeless drunk man is bathing in the utility sink so they won't yell out, hey mom look at the naked man. He wasn't completely naked, but it wasn't pretty.

- Do not make eye contact with the older lady who will not quit talking about the five cameras in the coin machine.

-Always watch your quarters, they have a tendency to disappear when your back is turned.

-Do not let your four year old swing from the hanger bar in the laundry cart, no matter how bored he is or crazy he is making you. He will most likely end up with a goose egg on his head, and a crying fit that is only quieted by having frozen peas, purchased from the store next door, held to his head. Oh, and a doughnut.

-Be careful not to put the red underwear in with the rest of the whites. That is a general laundry rule, but when it happens at the Laundromat it is much, much worse.

-Always keep an eye on your quarters, they could be magic quarters and mysteriously disappear.

-Do not make eye contact with the *missionary* lady passing out pamphlets and giving mini sermons. She will judge you.

-Do not let four year old push one year old around in the laundry cart. It can only end in tears and another purchase of frozen peas and doughnuts.

-Hold head up high and silently repeat, I am not the worlds worst mother while holding frozen peas to one year olds head and feeding her doughnuts.

-Never leave the back of your car open with a box of laundry detergent in it. Like the magic quarters it will mysteriously disappear.

-Get there early, the freaks are still in bed and don't come out until late morning.

-Be quick to remove your clothes from the washer or dryer when it is finished. If you don't someone else will.

-Never, never turn your back on your cup of quarters, they will be gone.

-How fortunate I am to have a washer/dryer at home.

-To wear pants with pockets so I can keep my quarters in them.

What I will miss about the Laundromat.

- Nothing, nada, nil, zippo!

The Day(s) After

2005-12-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

The day after Christmas was perfect. It was a day of eating leftovers, watching old movies, taking naps and playing with the kids new toys. By late afternoon, we finally pulled ourselves out of bed and went to order a new washer, woo-hoo, it comes today, any minute now. I am actually excited about doing laundry today, I have six loads all ready to go. I will no longer have to haul eight loads of laundry, and at least three kids to the Laundromat to get clean clothes. I will never again take for granted the fact that I can do laundry at home.

Since school has let out, with the exception of Christmas dinner, we have eaten nothing but crap. We have junk-y food all over the house and the kids are literally eating it up. Scott ate left over banana pudding for breakfast. It did have bananas in it so it was almost a breakfast food. I am trying to take control again, I have prepared a nice pasta dish for dinner, we will have salad, green beans and garlic toast with it.

Bedtimes are a disaster. The kids don't see their pillows before 11:00 p.m. and they sleep until almost 10:00 a.m. Elyse is now taking her naps at 4:30 p.m.

I can not get control of the house, it is practically upside down. I had the family room in decent shape for about an hour yesterday then it all went to hell in a handbasket - again.

After new years I will get a handle on things again. I just hope the kids cooperate, it is going to be an adjustment. It is amazing how quickly we can get so far away from our normal schedules.

The Let Down

2005-12-27T09:31:00.000-08:00

It's over. Christmas and all the good cheer is over. I am feeling a bit of a let down. The tree is still up but it looks lonely and bare now. It no longer has the presents under it's sprawling branches to protect from a curious toddler or a persistent seven year old. It's branches are starting to droop and turn brown, it's job is over. Soon it will be time to strip it of it's adornment and haul it away.

There is also a sense of relief, it is over. No more lists, baking, frantic shopping, crowds to fight or mass wrapping sessions late at night. No more awkward family gatherings to deal with. The Christmas family get together ended as it usually does, with my hurt feelings and a feeling of being less than, less than them. It hurts, it shouldn't be that way. The self protectiveness of my mind has already started to block the events and comments of the day out. They have been properly labeled and stuffed deep down to that dark area to be dealt with at a later time. Never.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-25T12:37:00.000-08:00

Today is Christmas! It has been a fun morning full of cinamon rolls, hot cocoa and opening of presents. Later off to a family gathering for linner (what we call lunch and dinner combined).

Scott was a Shepard in last night's Christmas Eve program at our church. He did an awesome job.

Tayler with her candle .

It was such a nice and meaningful service.

Merry Christmas!

The weather turned out to be very nice. Overcast and cool, very Christmas-y.

Show and Tell: My Coat

2005-12-22T20:20:00.000-08:00

This is my *coat*, I know it isn't much of a coat, but it is all that I have needed lately. You see, I live in S. California, where the climate is perfect but sometimes the ground rocks and rolls but that's okay, I can handle the trade off.

Okay, okay, so maybe the climate isn't always perfect. Christmas Day it is going to be in the 80s. Not very Christmas-y. I would like it to be 70 and overcast, that would give us a nice Christmas feeling. It rarely gets colder out than 65 during the winter. I don't get very cold so this type of *coat* is all I need. 13 Years of being either pregnant or nursing has raised my body temperature. I am sure it has nothing to do with the, um, extra padding I have covering my body.

Did you notice I used a red *coat* with a green hanger, and if you look very carefully you can see Christmas lights out the window's. I was trying to be festive, but it didn't come out very well in the pic. I just wanted to point it out.

First Day of Winter

2005-12-21T16:03:00.000-08:00

I heard on the news this morning that at 10:35 a.m. winter officially started.
Winter?! Not here. It is 80 degrees F. at our house. I am sitting here looking out the window watching four of my kids, and eight neighborhood kids playing baseball in our front yard. They are all wearing shorts and sandals. A few minutes ago the ice cream man stopped by and they all had ice cream to cool off. It is going to be close to 90 F. by Christmas day, not very Christmas-ey (yes, I know that isn't a real word).

I am starting to become concerned about the Christmas tree. It is going through a lot of water and I am afraid that it is going to dry out before the big day. I put some ice in the Christmas tree stand and I turned a fan on it to keep it cool. I am probably the only person who worries about a Christmas tree that is already dead.