Monday, March 27, 2006

Sleep eludes me and excludes me

I had another sleepless and restless night. Why can't I sleep like normal people do?! I went to bed at 11:00 p.m., right after Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy, two of the shows I wait for every week. We do have a t.v. in our bedroom but I made sure to watch it on the living room t.v. to keep the bedroom a refuge for sleep. It almost worked. I went to sleep quickly but I was awake again by 1:00 a.m.

I did everything I could think of to get back to sleep. I laid very still in the dark thinking good thoughts, I read, I watched t.v. I then got up and did laundry since I was awake anyway. The hours passed slowly and quickly at the same time, 2:00, 3:00, 4:00 a.m., came and went. I was frustrated, mad and exhausted. By 5:00 a.m. I was in tears and finally found sleep, for 10 minutes then I woke with a start. 6:00 a.m., I dozed off again for 15 minutes and then it was over. I had to get up and start my day.

I have read articles about this and I have taken all of the advice given. I don't eat or drink hours before bed time, I don't exercise before bed, I have tried taking a warm shower, drinking sleep inducing tea and I have made my bedroom as dark as possible and a refuge for sleep etc. I have tried over the counter sleep inducing drugs, but their effectiveness is no match againts my racing mind and they leave me feeling groggy the next day. I was very close to trying Ambien when the reports came out about people sleep eating while taking it. I could live with sleep walking, driving or shopping but not sleep eating. I eat enough when I was awake. So that was out.

I have been fighting this for years. I truly can't think of a time after having kids that I had a good night of sleep. And who made up that saying *sleep like a baby*? I am convinced that person did not have any babies or they would know that babies don't sleep, at least my didn't. It was probably the same person who wrote the book I read that advised that a babies pacifier should be taken away at three months of age to keep them from getting *addicted* to it. I threw that book out.

I don't know if I have true insomnia but it feels like I do. I have a wide range of symptoms. Sometimes I fall asleep quickly but wake up again in a couple of hours. I can feel myself waking up, I feel myself ascending from of a deep sleep and I silently scream and try to claw my way back down to that deep state of unconsciousness I crave. But my racing mind has other plans and soon I am awake, wide awake. Other nights I can't seem to get to sleep at all. It may take hours for me to finally find the relief of sleep. But it never lasts long. Once in a while, like last Wednesday night I slept an almost solid eight hours. From 10 until 6 with little wakefulness. It was wonderful, I so hoped that was a sign that the end of my sleepless nights had finally come to an end. It was not a sign, it was just a short compromise my mind gave to my exhausted body.

Sleep, where are you, and why do you exclude me?


Blogger Harmonia said...

Saw you on Kai's blog. Sorry you are having trouble sleeping. Your kids are adorable! Love the pics and veggie food!

I'm at: incase you have to visit.


9:54 AM  
Blogger KaiVegan said...

I wished I could offer some advice, but I should leave it to those who really know what they're talking about.
I had to laugh about the baby part. I still wake up a few times during the night for my 2 younger ones. Seriously, this is a nightly thing! And before my vegan cooking days, this was a problem. I go to bed so late, sometimes I'd stay up like you, and sometimes I couldn't go back to sleep! I was always tired!
But after getting rid of all dairy and meat and all kinds of unhealthy stuff in our diet, I don't have any more problem going back to sleep and I still wake up refreshed every morning.
But that is the extent of how I could relate to your situation. And I know that you've researched and have done what you can. I just hope that you (very) soon find what would work.

1:37 PM  
Blogger Beatrice said...

Hello, i'm really sorry you can't sleep.just an idea,have you tried earplugs ? not for the noise, but I use to have the same sleeping problem and since I use earplugs i fall asleep like a's like your are in a cocoon because you can't hear anything appart from your heart beat and you fall asleep along the beat. I hope it help.PS.You can still hear the children if they're calling you.good luck and let me know, it could take 2 or 3 days before you get use to them.

9:54 PM  
Anonymous Irene said...

oh I'm so sorry you can't sleep. I feel so bad because I can't offer any advice on this. hope things will get better soon.

3:13 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

That's a true bummer, I'm so sorry. I know it really affects everything when I don't get rest. I hope tonight is a restful one for you!!

8:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hi cee. i'm a med student and i'm in a situation where sleep is precious and stress is high, so it is critical, yet hard to come by for me and most of my classmates. at one point or another, myself and many of my classmates have used ambien for a week or two to help get ourselves in a rhythm of sleeping better.
ambien may have some weird effects, but ususally those type of effects are really rare. i think you should talk to your doctor and see what she or he thinks about you possibly temporarily trying a sleep medication to help calm your mind before bed.
also, exercise helps, but not right before bed. like 5 or 6 hours before bed, if you have time for something like that.

i hope you can get some sleep. i don't have kids, but i do have a lot of responsibility, so i know how much it can suck to loose sleep when you really need it.

11:26 AM  

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