Friday, December 16, 2005

Exhaustion is setting in

I am not just tired today, I am exhausted. Weeks, or is it months of too little sleep is catching up with me, again. Oh how I wish I could just sleep, close my eyes and sleep for hours, even two solid hours in a row without waking.

Lately, the feeling of dread comes with the darkness. I start to realize that in just a few hours the rest of the family will go to bed, and the house will be quiet, and I will be alone with the silence. I will become lonely, I will feel like I am the only person in the world that is still awake. I will begin to wander from room to room after everyone else is asleep. I will listen to the soft steady breathing coming from my sleeping family. I will be envious of them. Finally, I will get into bed, I will lay there, staring and thinking. If I could just turn my brain off, turn the thoughts off. Finally, out of exhaustion I will fall asleep, but it is more of a passing out type of sleep rather than just drifting off like *normal* people do. It won't last long, 20 minutes maybe, then I will wake, it may just be for a few minutes but I will wake up, my sleep will be interrupted over and over until I can sleep no more. Then I will wait, wait for morning.

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